The Queen B

Weird Weekend Things

First, I want to thank you all for the sweet messages last week.  I didn't really know if anyone would stop back by the ole blog and I have been so humbled by the response.  

Now.  

We had a strange assortment of weekend oddities that I must share.

1.  Some meanies broke into our barn and stole a bunch of stuff.  A trailor, generator, some saws and I can't remember what else.  

I told myself that maybe the meanie needed the stuff to sell to feed his children.  

The police said it was probably to buy met*h.

Whatever.  I like my idea better.

2.  The King placed his computer, which was resting on a couch pillow, on the coffee table.  The coffee table that had 2 candles burning.  

Computer on pillow + coffee table with 2 candles = significant flame & char.

(This would be a good place to insert a dramatic picture but The King spent a lot of time & scissorwork cutting off the char from the pillow and I'm pretending that it looks normal.)

(Oh who am I kidding.  I am showing you the char.)

You can hardly tell where he did his scissorwork...

Right...?

3.  There was a very large waste product left on my sidewalk by an unknown animal. 

Yes.  That kind of waste product.

We can assume it was a rather large animal.

And I am not showing pictures.

You're welcome.

But.  

I am somewhat concerned about what might have been on my sidewalk.

 

I'd love to know about your weekend.

 

I Heart Summer

My fun little game sort of fizzled.

Actually, I sort of fizzled.

I owe one of you a prize for the game.  I'll work on that this week.  I won't forget.

(hopefully)

(you may have to remind me)

***

This has been such a slow summer for us.  I have loved every second of it.  

We visited my Nannie in Florida.  

We've had a garden.

We've slept late.

We went to the American Idol concert.

We've spent time with people.

We've been home.

It's been a perfect summer.

 

Catching Up

If anyone is still checking in here...

Hi.

I've got some things to share.  I just can't remember what they are.  I remembered until I sat down with my computer.

The few I can recall:

1.  We got a new dog.

2.  We had a different new dog for less than 24 hours.

3.  The King has his TV debut next week.

I'll try to remember the other things.

If anyone is still checking in here.

 

My Mother Went On A Trip Across The World And All I Got Was...

Really, Mom?

You toured the countries of the Mediterranean and, um, this jumped out at you?

So totally disturbing.

SO TOTALLY DISTURBING.

You are familiar with the Wise Owls, right?  The ones who brought the gold, silver and GOLF BALL?!?

I'm going to focus on how it's the thought that counts.  So...thanks, Mom.

(I smell a payback.)

 

I Found A New Way To Diet

So I'm doing my regular weekly grocery shopping yesterday.

Same every week.  No surprises.

Until yesterday.

I grab my normal package of boneless, skinless chicken tenderloins (tenderloin?  tenderloins?).

Tiny glance to my right.

Bam.

Day ruined.

Really?

I mean...really?

You can't see from this photo because I was scared that the grocery store police would come and ask me why I was taking pictures of the nastiest product in the store, but the back "paws" look like they have painted nails.  

Red ones.

It made my tummy hurt.

Please don't tell me that they are a cultural phenomenon in other areas and that I shouldn't be judgmental.  

Just be nice and join me in my shuddering.

***

Totally unrelated:  I have a review posted on my seldom used review page.

Weather Drama 2011

Y'all.

I love weather.  

Not exaggerating.

I love it.

Ice Storm 2009 almost did me in, but I'm still a fan.

This weather system that is apparently taking over the majority of the USA is almost upon us.  

And the weather people are ecstatic.

Ecstatic.

Yesterday, we were either getting a dusting or 12 inches of snow.

On top of 1/10 to 2 inches of ice.

Give or take.

Today, things have escalated.

The grocery store was out of 1/2 gallon milk.

Which makes me wonder why, if the population is planning on being stuck at home for days, wouldn't the gallon milk be sold out?

I bought the last 24 pack of bottled water on the shelf.  

I didn't really plan on buying it, but if everyone else wanted it then I did, too.

And I bought toilet paper (we mustn't run out).

And a candle (if I'm stranded for days, the house needs to smell like fruit).

And razors (I can't be held hostage with hairy legs).

And septic system cleaner stuff (I couldn't remember when I did that last).

Then The Princess and I went to the Little Debbie store.  We stocked up on Oatmeal Cream Pies and Swiss Rolls.

(They sold out of bread at 10 a.m., by the way.)

So far, I've read these subtle headlines on our local news...

SNOWPOCALYPSE IS COMING

THE SNOW SLAM.

And we've gotten just about all we can from the terms...

THUNDERSNOW

and it's close relative,

THUNDERSLEET.

Personally, I'm just about to bust to witness some good ole thundersleet.

And there is some new scale graph thingy that can predict how long your power is going to be out based on ice accumulation and wind speed.

We're looking at 5 to 10 days, people.

The weather people are saying that this has the potential to be a system of historic proportions.  

Or a bust.  Something about 20 miles one direction or another.

The latest update that I received said "New Ice Estimate:  .46 inches".

That seems rather, um, specific.

So y'all.  Stay warm and safe.  

And please.  PLEASE. Send me your weather headlines.  There is not much that I would enjoy more.

My People Love Me

Here are a few highlights of the gifts that I received for Christmas.

You can imagine my delight.

This lovely notepad will be used for tossing gum in the trash and other wasteful things like that.

 

This ring (which did not photograph well...i'm sure it had nothing to do with the photographer..) will be used as a fancy chip clip of sorts.  To tie off the bread and other things of little value.

 

This necklace, cute as it may be, will be used as a hypnotic toy to entertain The King my cats.

I'm totally looking forward to Valentine's Day.

 

The Story Of My Life

 

Wanna guess where The Palace is located?

They Can't Have My Christmas

Y'all know I had an issue this fall.

I can't even begin to tell you how many perfectly good items were ruined this season by creepy birds of prey.

Well.  Today, they crossed the line.

And by "they", I'm not quite sure who I am referring to, but you better believe I will be finding somebody to blame for this outbreak.

I had about 30 minutes to kill today, so I took a little meander through Target.  I walked the perimeter and found that the Christmas decorations were being placed on the shelves. 

(Which I do have to say is much better than Hobby Lobby.  They've had their display out since June.)

I turned down the first aisle and immediately stood in disbelief.

No.

It couldn't be.

CHRISTMAS OWLS?

Who decided that owls would now be a part of our Christmas?

I get the reindeer.  And even the polar bears.  I've become accustomed to the occasional penguin.

Though I'm not actually sure why penguins are infiltrating traditional holiday decor.

But I cannot accept owls.

I made my way down the next aisle.

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

It's just too much.

There should not be owls messing with Christmas.

They can have fall.

But not Christmas.

Target had maybe 20% of their Christmas get-up displayed.  Do you think The Owls are going to play a more prominent role?  Do you think there will be an entire Owl Section?

Have you seen other Christmas Owls?  

Will they make a sudden appearance in THE NATIVITY SCENE?  

I can just see it now.  Somebody's gonna have An Owl watching over Baby Jesus. The donkeys, the goats, the cows & The Owls...all gathered around the manger.  

NOT IN MY NATIVITY, PEOPLE.

Please tell me that you agree with me.  Please tell me that you will not condone The Great Owl Takeover of 2010.

Are you with me?

***

To read about & hear a pretty amazing o-w-l, however, check this out.

I'm Good With Nothing

I have to tell you...I am so ok with nothing dramatic happening here.  

All I have to share is a whole lot of daily stuff.  

 

1.  I think I never told you that I got braces on my bottom teeth.  

It is just for a short time.  

(Hallelujah.)

I had an appointment today.  They had to put on a new wire. 

Unfortunately, the only colors they had were PURPLE OR LIME GREEN.

Which do you think I chose...? 

2.  Is it ironic that the NASTY & DISGUSTING smell that I couldn't find in my refrigerator was coming from a lemon?

 3.  The Princess turned 13 last week.  

I cannot believe that this child...

...has grown in to this young lady.

I am so proud of her.  She is such a great kid.  She has handled so much stuff this year with laughter and grace.  

Happy Birthday, Princess.  

 

4.  We went to Dallas last weekend for her birthday.  My friend, Lacey, shares a birthday with The Princess, so she & Jason joined us on the celebration trip.

While we were shopping for jeans, the store lady asked me if I was shopping with my girls.  

I said yes, thinking she meant, like, shopping with my homies or something.

Then she said the words that ruined my weekend, if not my life.

"They're both your daughters?"

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?

If I'd had her when I was 5 1/2!

That day will forevermore be known as "The Day The Anti-Wrinkle Regimen Began".

You've no idea how much junk I've slathered on my face & neck.  

I'm in a constant state of glisten.

(Needless to say, I didn't buy any of her stinkin' jeans.)

 

5.  I think I don't really have a 5.  

I was going to (finally) post a picture of my tattoo, but I'm too lazy to get up and get the camera.  

I guess that's to be expected with my advancing age.