My heart is really missing La P lately.
I can't believe it has almost been 2 years since we found her.
From a spunky 5 year old, dragging her friends to meet us...
To a confident 7 year old, welcoming us as her family.
Amazing.
It hurts my heart too much to let my thoughts of her linger very long.
My mind is now trained to be thinking of her constantly, yet cautiously.
I'm doing Beth Moore's Daniel study.
(It's really, really good.)
I did a different Daniel study not long after I met La P. The verse that jumped at me then is jumping at me again.
And He changes the times and the seasons;
He removes kings and raises up kings;
He gives wisdom to the wise
And knowledge to those who have understanding.
He reveals deep and secret things;
He knows what is in the darkness,
And light dwells with Him.
I thank You and praise You,
O God of my fathers;
You have given me wisdom and might,
And have now made known to me what we asked of You,
For You have made known to us the king’s demand.
Daniel 2:21-23, emphasis mine
If God can change the times and seasons and remove and raise up kings, why would I doubt that He can bring La P home to us???
There is no government situation or authority situation that He has not allowed. With one word from Him, laws and rules can be changed.
She is not with us because He has not yet allowed her to be with us.
That doesn't make me frustrated or angry. It gives me hope.
And whatever situation you find yourself in today...even those that seem hopeless...know that the same King who controls time, seasons and governments is also actively working on your behalf.
There is hope.
As you may recall, we spent Thanksgiving week in Guatemala.
I sort of began recounting the trip a few weeks ago.
I got to the part about the monkey and my ankle.
Ugh. Let's move on.
So Day 2 of the Guatemala trip was kind of a drag. Usually, we have had a project to be working on while visiting with La P. This time, however, there wasn't much going on at the orphanage.
There was a mother and daughter from Louisiana staying in our house and they were a hoot. We had a lot of fun playing cards in the evenings with those two!
But as far as productive work...not so much.
On Day 3, we had plans to venture into the city.
In the past, we've been cautioned to stay out of the city. Guatemala City is very dangerous. The most recent statistic that I read is that there are an average of 11 murders a day within that city. It is home to over 13 million people who have an average annual income of less than $5000.
This past year we have felt God moving us to step out of our comfy box a little bit more.
(Thank you very much, Radical.)
Samuel, a missionary from our hometown, had moved to Guatemala a week or so before we arrived, and he picked us up that morning.
As Samuel told one of the missionaries at the orphanage the places that he was planning on taking us, the response was, "I'd never take anyone there. If you need help, don't call me."
Surely he was kidding.
We went to a local restaurant with Samuel and a translator. We learned a bit about Samuel's ministry and how he had ended up on this short term adventure in Guatemala.
Our plan for the day was to visit a children's home in the city. As we began talking about the many heartbreaking situations in Guatemala, our conversation quickly took us to the city dump.
Samuel asked if we'd like to go there.
The dump in Guatemala City is home to thousands. Generations of families have lived and worked in the dump.
I'm not sure that I can use words to accurately describe what we experienced.
Any words that I could use feel so empty and hollow and cheap.
So bear with me.
To see to the dump, we had to walk through the General Cemetery of the city.
Most of the vault type things where the people are laid to rest are rented. If the family of the deceased doesn't pay the rent, then the body is taken out and chunked over a cliff to the dump so that the vault thing can be used again.
Do you see the vultures?
I cannot even begin to explain the vultures.
We walked to the back of the cemetery toward the cliff.
Every sense was assaulted.
There were so many people. There were men hanging on the back of the trash truck in a line so that they could get the first chance at grabbing what dumped out.
When the back would lift and dump, their bodies would slam toward the ground. They would sometimes not let go, and so their bodies would flail in the air when the bed slammed back onto the truck.
We were told that many are maimed and killed by this act of desperation.
We witnessed one man grabbing a tarp and running as fast as he could while gathering it in his arms. He had scored shelter.
In the last picture, you can see a blue rectangle and a yellow rectangle in the center toward the bottom of the photo. Those are two houses.
As we stood quietly, taking it all in, Samuel said gently, "It's overwhelming, isn't it?"
So very.
Samuel said that he struggled with how to pray after seeing it for the first time. Soon, however, he began to focus his prayers on the dump truck and bulldozer drivers. He prays that they will be alert and attentive and that they will come to know Jesus.
I thought that sounded more manageable, but couldn't process it at that moment.
Off to the side, I could see an area cleared from trash and lots of movement.
I nodded toward The King and showed him the area.
We struggled as our minds registered what our eyes were witnessing.
It was a soccer field.
Some young men had cleared an area of trash and created a soccer field.
It was now much more than just "generations of people who live in the dump".
Those are words.
These were young men. Young men who have a life in front of them.
Young men who deliberately moved tons of trash and filth to create an oasis of joy.
Do they have hope of getting out of there? Do they even want to get out of there?
Do they know they can get out of there?
The pictures seem so flat. My words seem so insignificant.
The magnitude of despair in that place seems so enormous.
Soon we made our way back to the car.
I'll share about our next stop in the next post.
Thanks for being patient with me. There is so much that I want to share with you and so much that I am still processing from our trip.
It was such a different trip than we expected or have had before.
I think there may have been some confusion that we brought La P home.
Oh how I wish!
We spent some great days with her and cannot wait to go back to see her again soon.
But, at this point, only a miracle will bring her home. (Good thing we know Who can orchestrate miracles!)
I guess I'll just begin at the beginning of our trip.
As soon as we arrived in Guatemala, I could not wait to get to La P! She didn't know we were coming and I knew she would be SO surprised!
We walked in her dorm area and all the little kids started yelling her name when they saw us.
The King hasn't been there since March and I hadn't been there since LAST JULY and they still knew she belonged with us. Precious.
She was very excited to see us. She came running!
She couldn't take her eyes off of The Princess!
I was blown away by how it seemed as if no time had passed since we saw her last.
We spent the rest of the day with her and had such a fun time.
And...thanks to my mom, the orphanage has now been introduced to Silly Bands!
Lots and lots of Silly Bands...
One of the most random thing to happen on the first day was The Monkey Sighting.
So we are sitting at the table and we hear someone yell that there is a monkey outside our dorm.
I was unaware that monkeys were native to Guatemala.
We all took off toward the door. Unfortunately, the fella who ran in front of me stopped on the steps outside the door. And I kept going.
And so I stepped on his foot. And then he pulled it out from under me.
And my ankle turned really funky and I felt a big snap. And felt some serious pain.
So I looked at the fella with a teensy bit of desperation...and maybe a teensy bit of blame...and he said, "But, there's a monkey".
Well. Of course. By all means. The monkey was totally worth serious ankle injury.
And the best part of the story is that the monkey belonged to the ZOO KEEPER who lived behind the property.
IT WAS A PET.
Nice.
I've been in a ridiculous ankle brace since we got home and am scheduled to see an orthopedic surgeon in a few weeks.
I'm thinking I need to come up with a cover story.
Guess who graduated from Kindergarten last week?
Isn't she growing up so fast??
We will be traveling to Guatemala later this month. Would you please join us in prayer for our trip? Though we are praying for hearts to be softened, we truly just want to be in the Father's will.
I do have a few tiny anxieties: The King's first big trip since his surgery; flying.
That's pretty much the list.
I am really just excited to spend time with her and with the other kids.
We have changed a lot since our last visit, and I'm excited to see the orphanage with clearer eyes.
While I'm talking about the serious, I'd like to share something else with you. I don't know how to explain it, but The King and I both feel that God is preparing us for a new chapter. It may not be anything dramatically different. But it might. It may not alter our daily lives. But it could.
The last year and a half has taught me to rest in God's timing. Not to rush it. Not to force it.
But it is still hard to wait.
Have you ever felt just on the edge of knowing something important, while really having no idea what it is you are about to know?
(Not rhetorical. Spill it.)
1. Thank you all for the sweet birthday wishes to The King and La P.
The King was thrilled.
He had a great day.
Pretty much because of this.
If you can get past the fact that he is sitting with a cat in his lap, you'll notice his new birthday toy.
He's loving it.
The King. Not the cat. Though the cat is loving some lap time. But he's a she.
The cat. Not The King.
2. Conner came home today! Praise the Lord!! He has a road ahead of him, for sure, but we know that he is well on his way to a full & complete recovery. Thank you so much for your prayers.
3. If you are a local, check out the Embellished Goods link. We'll be adding several new items this week.
4. Hmmm. What else do I have to tell you...?
Let me think...
WE GOT A VOICE MESSAGE FROM LA P FRIDAY NIGHT!!!
Do you even know how sweet that little girl's voice sounded to us?
Even though we couldn't understand a word she said...
A little birdie told one of the missionaries that it was The King's birthday, so he sent us a voice recording of her singing Happy Birthday. And some other stuff.
(Anyone care to translate?)
It was the first time we've heard that child since March!!!
So amazing.
(And Thanks, Little Birdie...:)
Thanks so much for your sweet encouragement after my last post. I was having a teeny identity crisis but it is possibly over for now.
I think, for me, it just comes down to sharing what I feel...being ever mindful of Who I represent...and leaving it at that. Some days are funny and some days are tough. Some days I may regret what I shared and some days I may regret what I didn't.
Thank you for helping me process all that.
Now.
I need to catch you up on a few things and wrap up a few others.
For today, let's start with La P.
We received this picture of her over the summer. She is growing up so fast!
I cannot believe it, but it has been over a year since I've seen her live and in person.
That absolutely breaks my heart.
The King was able to go see her last November and again in March. The Princess and I haven't been there since last July.
We are really, really hoping to visit before the end of the year.
As far as her adoption status...we are really farther back than where we were when we started.
When we began this process, we were told it was not a big deal to change her status to "adoptable", that it would be a simple court procedure. Since then, some papers have appeared in her file that make that particular procedure a bit more difficult. Until that can be done, she is unadoptable.
Our only hope to adopt her at this moment--and seriously that could change at any time--is due to her medical situation.
The government is supposedly reviewing all of the orphans with medical needs and reevaluating their status. IF her file comes across the right person's desk and IF they were to change her status to adoptable, then we can begin that process.
Until then, we just wait.
I am so thankful for those IFs though. It gives us something for which we can specifically pray.
It is such a complicated situation.
If you had asked me before we met her and began this journey how I would handle it, I think that my answer would have been that I would be beating down every door between here and there and calling everyone that might be able to do something--ANYTHING--to help. I think I would have thought that I would be unable to sleep or eat or stop until there was resolution.
While there have certainly been moments where I/we have felt and done all those things to some degree, that's not where we are right now.
Please don't misunderstand...I love that child. God has given me this love for her. I want her to be with us. I want her to be home. If there was anything at all that we could do to bring her home, we would do it.
But that's not possible right now. There is nothing that we can do.
I don't know why. But I know Who does. And I can rest in that.
She is in a good place. She is happy. She doesn't know there is a different way to live. We know what she's missing, but she doesn't.
But it makes me sad. I can't even write this without crying.
I miss her. I want her to be healthy. I want her to be happy. I want her to reach the full potential of who God created her to be.
Inside my head, I've been wrestling with coming to terms as to what that might mean.
What if she is never able to come home...Did I misunderstand? Did I fail? Did God let me down?
I don't think I misunderstood the love that we share. Looking back, I know without a doubt that we were brought together. Without question I know that God placed a love for her in our hearts and a love for us in hers.
I do think that maybe I've written the ending to the story that I want...not sure that it is really how it will end. I mean...I'm at an orphanage. There's an orphan that we connect with. She needs help. We can offer her help. We love her. She loves us. So we adopt her and live happily ever after.
Maybe it is some of those things but not all of those things.
I don't think I/we failed. I know that The King especially has left no stone unturned. I can't wait to someday tell her the stories of all he has done in trying to help her. That little girl needs to know that there is a Heavenly Father that loves her and would move mountains for her and that there is an earthly father who has and would do the same.
I know that God has not let us down. He has opened a place in our hearts to a love that we didn't think we'd ever experience. As a family, we have grown and changed. Personally, I've conquered fears and considered things I never thought possible.
I do not know how this will end. I do not know if we will ever have La P in our home. I do not know if we will be protected from heartbreak.
But I know that we can trust Him to be with us through it all. And that it will be ok.
Thank you so much for continuing to ask about her. Sometimes I want to talk about her and sometimes I just can't. It truly thrills me to know that you still pray for her.
Please continue to pray for her and for all of the precious kids that will someday be placed with a family. And please pray a special blessing upon those kids, who, for whatever reason, will never be placed with a family of their own.
Eight days ago, we didn't think we'd ever see her again.
Tonight, The Princess and I talked to her on the phone. When I got on the phone, she said, "Mommy, I love you and I miss you".
Then she asked for The Princess.
We'll get to Skype with her tomorrow night.
Amazing.
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