The Queen B

Being a Better Friend

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend who feels that she occasionally comes across a little too strong.  One thing that she said has stuck with me.

"I am very rarely offended, so I don't often think about my words offending."

Let me add that she is not in any way a mean-spirited person. 

But her comment has me thinking.  Which of my quirky traits do I put onto my friendships with others?    

Example:  I am an only child and an introvert.  I think that I am a friendly introvert and I do love to be around people.  

But only when I want to be around people.  

Because of my personality, I tend to assume that others need/want a lot of alone time too. I don't like to "bother" people unless we need to talk about something.  

Some of my best friends are total extroverts.  They need to be around people all the time.  Checking in and spending time is their love language.  

This breeds the real possibility of conflict.  

One shows love by giving people space and the other shows love by limiting space.

I am absolutely positive that I have hurt the feelings of people I love because I often withdraw to recharge.  

But if I don't recharge, I can't function well.  

CONFLICT.

Both people are being who they are.  Neither is doing anything wrong. But still. Conflict.

Friendships require so much grace.  All relationships require so much grace.  

We all know that compromise and honest communication are necessary for healthy relationships.  I think this is especially true of girl friends.

My close friends know me.  They know my heart.  I have one who often checks in to see if anything is wrong or if I am just charging my batteries.  

She shows me that true friendship is recognizing the needs of your friend and adapting to those needs.

She shows me that I need to give time when I would rather hibernate.  

How do you navigate relationships with those who are different from you?

 

 

 

Words

I've always been a bit envious of those of you who were focused enough to have a Word of the Year.

By the time January rolls around, my Word would typically be something like Napping or Solitude.

And those have just never seemed appropriate.

A few weeks ago, a word popped into my head and has not gone away. I don't know if it is my Word of the Year or if it is just good old conviction, but Generosity will not leave me alone.

My first thoughts of generosity usually land on money.  Being generous with the resources that God has given to me.  It is easy to say, "if I had the money they did" or "when things aren't as tight" or "after we get this paid off" I will give more.  

I don't think that is necessarily what God had in mind with the whole giving thing. (See Luke 21:1-4 for a gentle reminder.)

Generosity starts making me a little more uncomfortable when I think of my time.

Y'all.  I like my time.

I especially like my alone time.

A lot.

It is HARD for me to think of being more generous with my time. But I think maybe that is where this won't-get-out-of-my-head-thing is leading.

It is SUPER HARD for me to think of being more generous with my family's time. If we get a night with nothing planned I am holding on tight.  

PSA:  I think those type of nights are vitally important to the health and happiness of a family.  And I am in no way saying they are wrong or selfish or wasteful.  I am, in fact, encouraging you to find them and love them.

However.  I think that maybe my first reaction should not ALWAYS be to say no, lock the doors and hide the access to the outside world.  Maybe I should sometimes think of others that we could include. 

I do know that any money or time that we give away will always come back to us.  Maybe not dollar for dollar or hour for hour...that never needs to be the reason we give.  But God tells us that the measure we use will be the measure used for us.  

My prayer is that at the end of this year, I will be able to look back and clearly see ways that I was more generous.  I want to think of giving more than I think of keeping.

But for now, I'm off to enjoy a bit of solitude and napping.

Do you have a Word of the Year?

(In) Security

There are some of us who feel the peace and love of God when everything is going perfectly.  When everyone is well and the budget is working and the future is looking relatively calm.

And.

There are some of us who feel the peace and love of God when life is in chaos. When life is uncertain and questions aren't answered and the future is not somewhere your brain dare roam.

I would be a member of the chaos club.

It feels backwards.

And ridiculous.

But when things are going smoothly, I feel insecure.  

I'm afraid to be comfortable.

I think it may be because I came to know the abundant love of Jesus during a time of trial, but I long to confidently receive the love of Jesus when things are rolling easy.

I don't want to keep hiding and waiting for the next disaster.

I know that it is a lack of faith.  And not how God works.

Can anyone relate?

Hope

Worries.

Unknowns.

Disappointments.

Old fears resurface.

What-ifs threaten to strangle.

Pause.

Remember.

My help comes from the Maker of heaven and earth.

 

Praying for those of you who, like me, need peace today.

 

 

Be Quiet

"The Lord will fight for you; you must be quiet." Exodus 14:14

Well that seems pretty straightforward.  

Except for I'm not quiet.

Even if I'm silent, I'm not quiet.

I'm texting or pinning or surfing.

Or reading or watching.

Or planning. Or wishing.  

Or dreading. Or worrying.

But not being still and quiet.

What does stillness even look like?

When was the last time you were quiet?

I can't seem to recall...

I want to be quiet.  

I want to be fully present so that I can be completely aware of His presence.

It is nearly impossible to feel conviction or gentle nudging when the mind is spinning.

I want to be quiet.

 

Such Things

 

"...Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philippians 4:8

 

This is my prayer for each of you this weekend.  

Enjoy every moment.

Amazing Grace

One year ago today.

One year ago today I almost lost my husband.

One year ago today my priorities shifted.

One year ago today I learned the meaning of gratitude.

One year ago today unconditional was redefined.

One year ago today we began a journey that I would never have asked to embark upon.

One year ago today we began a journey that I appreciate more every day.

One year ago today.

King of Kings

My heart is really missing La P lately.

I can't believe it has almost been 2 years since we found her.

From a spunky 5 year old, dragging her friends to meet us...

 

To a confident 7 year old, welcoming us as her family.

Amazing.

It hurts my heart too much to let my thoughts of her linger very long.  

My mind is now trained to be thinking of her constantly, yet cautiously.

I'm doing Beth Moore's Daniel study.

(It's really, really good.)

I did a different Daniel study not long after I met La P. The verse that jumped at me then is jumping at me again.

     And He changes the times and the seasons; 
      He removes kings and raises up kings; 
      He gives wisdom to the wise 
      And knowledge to those who have understanding. 
      He reveals deep and secret things; 
      He knows what is in the darkness, 
      And light dwells with Him. 
      I thank You and praise You, 
      O God of my fathers; 
      You have given me wisdom and might, 
      And have now made known to me what we asked of You, 
      For You have made known to us the king’s demand.  

      Daniel 2:21-23, emphasis mine

If God can change the times and seasons and remove and raise up kings, why would I doubt that He can bring La P home to us???

There is no government situation or authority situation that He has not allowed. With one word from Him, laws and rules can be changed.  

She is not with us because He has not yet allowed her to be with us.

That doesn't make me frustrated or angry.  It gives me hope.

And whatever situation you find yourself in today...even those that seem hopeless...know that the same King who controls time, seasons and governments is also actively working on your behalf.

There is hope.

 

This Path

I want to share about our day trip with La P, but first I'm going to continue with my thoughts from the last post.  

This trip to Guatemala felt different for us.  The other trips have been amazing and wonderful and have revealed many things that I'm grateful to have learned.  The same can be said for this one, but in different ways.

This trip caused me to look beyond me.  To look beyond what is a little bit uncomfortable and come face to face with what's really uncomfortable.  

I'm left knowing that there has to be more to life than striving to get to an imaginary point of success.  

There has to be more than giving out of obligation.

There has to be more than standing on the sidelines and wondering what it would be like to play.

I feel as if we are moving in a direction, but the map has been blacked out.  We can only see a few miles in front of us.

The King describes it as using a head lamp when the stadium lighting is not working.  

Here's all that I know for sure...

2 years ago, I was begging God to give me a stomach virus so that I wouldn't have to go to Guatemala for a week.

And since then...I've been back twice.  The King's been back 10 times.  God has given me a sweet child who may never really be mine.  My husband has survived brain trauma and surgery.  We're in the midst of some financial situations that would have (2 years ago) sent me into permanent fetal position. Our future is pretty much completely unknown.

But I have a peace that I've never had before.  

Not in spite of all of those things, but because of all of those things.  

I've seen how God prepared me for things that I could never have seen coming.  He used each situation (which I'd think surely HAD to be the end) to stretch me and grow me and place me in circumstances that I never would have thought I'd be capable of enduring.  

And then here we'd go again.

Only now I'm not sure where we are going.  Because, unlike the times before, I don't feel the same need to fight.  I don't have a particular destination that I'm trying to reach.  

Plan A no longer appeals to me.

So you can sense that I'm confused, I'm guessing.

And I'm not sure why I'm sharing it with the internet.

Vulnerable, much?

Any wise words or experiences that you have about finding direction?

Or anything else?  

Like a new snack.  Or great jeans.  Or something else to distract me from reality...?

(And if you are wondering if there was any point to this rambling, the answer is no.)

 

Things Are Not Always What They Seem

We arrived at the coffee farm as the darkness was just taking over the day.

I was kind of thinking we would surely just head back down to the city.

We didn't.

Mama Carmen popped out of the suburban and took off down the mountain trail.

Let's backtrack just a minute, shall we?

Remember how I killed my ankle on the first day?  Well.  It was really hurting.  I didn't want to be a total whiner, so I was trying not to talk about it constantly...but it was really hurting.  

And upon leaving for this particular day's adventures, I didn't really have a clear understanding of the fact that I would be walking down a steep mountain trail that would cover 17 acres.

In the dark.

So I just began asking God to help me get through this ridiculous hike without hurting my ankle more seriously.  

If 63 year old Mama Carmen could hike 17 acres in the dark, surely I could, too. 

I had never been to a coffee farm before, but it was really interesting.  We were looking at the beans by the light of my iphone.  

Coffee grows best on the side of a mountain. It was very steep.  There was a beautiful stream at the base of the mountain.  

Well.  I'm sure in the daylight it would have been beautiful.

This is a banana tree.  Or banana plant?  Whichever.  It was really tall.  And the flower on it was amazing.  I didn't know that their flowers were so lovely.

And can we all just take a moment to reflect on the darkness?

We were seriously lighting the path with the flashlight app on my phone.  Here's the tiny bridge we came to and crossed by app light...

Yeah.  Ravine below.

Eventually, we made our way back up the mountain to our vehicle.  Then we walked to the house that is on her property.

It was incredible.

It has not had anyone living in it for sometime, but it could be like the coolest house ever.

The middle of it is an open air courtyard.  Most of the living areas are both inside and outside.  It was phenomenal.

While we were looking, we heard gunfire.

We were trying to not be offensive and scaredy cat gringos, so we began whispering to our kids to hightail it to the car.

As we were stuffing them in the car, I looked at the building across the street--a church of some kind, no less--and told The King I was certain I'd just seen a sniper.

Soon the others joined us in the suburban and we began driving back through the village.

We turned a corner and saw several of the village children in the road playing with firecrackers.

Not exactly the storm of gunfire we'd pictured.

And I felt so silly.

And small. 

And prejudiced and ignorant.

And sad.

We were going to take Mama Carmen and her kids out for dinner, but our translator shared that Mama Carmen still had to go to the grocery store for the next day's food and needed to get back to her home.

We visited with her a bit more as we drove back to the city and soon had arrived at her home.  As she got out of the car, she told us she'd be praying for us.

And I'm pretty sure she meant it.

And it broke my heart.  Because as a friend shared with me upon my return, we may pray for her for what she doesn't have, but she is likely praying for us for what we don't have (or maybe for what we do have?)

Something that our missionary friend shared with us that day has stuck with me.  We were talking with him about his safety and the crime in Guatemala.  He was taking us places (and has & will be taking his family places) that are not safe by our standards.  

His response was basically, "I don't know how I'd ever reach people if I were behind walls. Or keeping my distance.  Or staying away from where they live.  I figure that if I'm helping them and improving their lives then they will protect me.  And if they don't, then that's ok, too."

Isn't that astounding?

I can't stop thinking about it.  

I have used my safety as an excuse to hide.

I think another thing that I learned from the experience with Mama Carmen is this...

She could live in a really, really nice house.  And take her kids with her.  And run the coffee farm to its maximum potential.  And employ people in that village. 

And all that would be good.  Really good.

It would, in many ways, be a "better" life for her and the kids.  

But her calling is in that city.  By the dump.

She doesn't get mired down by the fact that the really nice coffee farm is not being used to it's maximum potential.

She has just waited and trusted.  And now this precious missionary and his family have shown up.  And they are getting the coffee farm running more efficiently.  

That is their calling.

It is such an example of each of us being the hands and feet of Christ and of the church. 

One thing I kept thinking is that we would have had a hard time leaving something on the table.  Meaning, if we had a coffee farm that had been given to us and it wasn't being all that it could be--we'd be nuts.  I'm still processing these thoughts.

I do know that we all have a role to play in some story.  Each of us has a calling.  Our part may be small or it may be the starring role.  It may be a piece that can be filled by anybody willing or it may be so specific that it can only be filled by you.  

What if Mama Carmen hadn't followed through on her promise to take care of these children?  Or what if this missionary chose to use his knowledge of the coffee industry to work for a world famous coffee chain?  Or if this doctor wouldn't have given his time to examine Erma? The list goes on.

God doesn't call us all to move to a third world country.

He doesn't give each of us knowledge about specific fields that can be used to change lives.

He doesn't give each of us the financial means to support ministries both here and abroad.

But He does call some of us to do those things.  

Others He calls to take meals to a sick friend.  Or to babysit for a mom who is in a bind.  Or to take a coat that you no longer need to someone who needs it desperately.  Or invite a family over for a night of fun and laughter because they haven't had much laughter for awhile.

I guess what I'm saying is, we need to seek out ways we can serve someone else.  

And then there's this...Mama Carmen doesn't consider the fact that she is caring for 88 children to be enough.  She is serving her community by providing VBS to the city kids.  She is feeding the hungry at the dump.  She is giving of herself by entertaining selfish Americans for an afternoon. 

This is totally NOT the direction I intended on taking this post.  Not sure where I digressed.  I hope it didn't come off preachy.  I'm thinking it probably came off preachy.

I am just sharing what is on my heart.  

I'm not sure what it all means.  

More on that in the next post.