The Queen B

A New Year

I can't even believe that it has been over TWO YEARS since I've written on this blog.  

I'm certain that there is nobody still checking in here, but here I am.

Blogging has changed so much.  When I've thought about beginning again, I've freaked myself out by getting wrapped up in an outdated site, no readers, and all of those kinds of things.  Then I realize how much I enjoy looking back on the documented years and I want to have those again for my family and for myself.  

I miss writing.  I miss having a reason to write.

So here's to new beginnings.

Do What You Love

I miss writing. 

I began blogging several years ago so that I could write.   

Not to get comments.  Though I enjoyed the feedback.

Not to make friends.  Though that was the unexpected bonus.

Not to be all about me.  Though it sometimes felt that was what it had become.  

I began blogging to write. 

So why did I stop?

I was afraid. 

Our situation with La P, The King's surgery and several other life-altering events rocked my world a bit.

The world rocking made it difficult for me to come up with the funny.  

I was afraid that if I wrote what I felt, the readers would be disappointed.

(Yes, I am aware that I need significant therapy.)

(And not a single person ever actually made me feel that they were disappointed.)

(It was me.  Not you.)

I was afraid that if I wrote what I felt I would inadvertently offend those who know me in real life.  

So I bailed.  

But I've realized how much I miss writing. 

My needing-therapy-self is scared that nobody will read.

But my needing-to-write-self knows that it doesn't matter. 

So I'm going to try this again.

I miss writing.

If you happened to stumble by, please stop in and say hi.  I'd love to catch up with you.

Welcoming 2012

Happy New Year!

It has been such a long time since I've posted.  

Life occasionally gets in the way of hobbies.

I have missed writing.  I have missed sharing life with you all.

As I slowly wade back into these waters, tell me something you are looking forward to beginning (or continuing) this year.

Welcome 2012.  I am so thankful you've arrived.

 

Big Changes At The Palace

I used to be terrified of change.

Even if I didn't love the situation in which I found myself, staying put was usually preferable to change and the unknown.

At least I knew I didn't love it.

Experiences of the last 2 years have changed that.  Some I've shared, some I haven't.

I certainly don't seek out change now, but I have come to appreciate it.  

Which brings me to this...  

We are homeschooling this year.  

I can't really tell you why.  I have loved our school.  There is no BIG THING that caused us to leave.

I simply felt a nudge in my heart that this is what we were supposed to do.

The Princess felt it, too.

There is no timeline or plan for how long we'll homeschool.  It may last a semester or the next 5 years.

We may clearly see why we needed to take this road or we may never know why.

All that doesn't matter to me so much.  

I just know that when God puts something in your heart, obedience needs to follow.

All that being said, I have a question for you.

We've chosen our curriculum.

We are just about ready to begin.

I've read lots of blogs about homeschooling which have encouraged me greatly.  However, most seem geared toward younger kids. 

The Princess will begin the 8th grade.  Do you know of any blogs focused on homeschooling older kids?  Or homeschooling only children?

I've found OMSH's posts on The Pioneer Woman's homeschooling blog to be very helpful.  

Edie's posts have also been very inspiring.  

If you know of any that I need to be reading, please send them my way!

You Know How Sandwiches Taste Better When Someone Else Makes Them?

Well.  

Now that I think about it, that title has nothing to do with this post.  

It made sense to me for a minute...

I think I was going with how other people can make the plain stuff seem fancier?

Or something like that.

Basically I was hoping y'all would tell me some of your favorite stuff.

So I thought that over the next week-ish, I might ask for your favorites in assorted categories.

And at the end of this silly little game, I will give a prize to a randomly drawn commenter.

Let's start with cookbooks.

Tell me your all-time favorite cookbook.

I have several. It's hard for me to choose.  Definitely this one.  This one.  And this.

Thanks for playing.

Daughter Of The Year

Some of y'all know my mom.

Well.

She is on her never-ending vacation.  Again.

And she asked me to guest post for her.

I told her no.

I can barely post on my own blog.  

She asked again.

Still no.

Then she outed me to the world.

So I caved.

And now I've decided to have a little fun with it.

She is known for her generosity...that girl can host a mean giveaway.

Go to her blog and guess where she is traveling this week.  I gave a hint on my earlier post on her site.

She is going to give the winner a really great prize.

Only she doesn't know it yet.

But she'll do it because she owes me.

And she loves to give away stuff.

And she may or may not think it's funny.

(You might tell her that you have my back.)

Best of luck with the guessing!

Hope

Thanks so much for your sweet encouragement after my last post.  I was having a teeny identity crisis but it is possibly over for now.  

I think, for me, it just comes down to sharing what I feel...being ever mindful of Who I represent...and leaving it at that.  Some days are funny and some days are tough. Some days I may regret what I shared and some days I may regret what I didn't.

Thank you for helping me process all that.

Now.

I need to catch you up on a few things and wrap up a few others.

For today, let's start with La P. 

 

We received this picture of her over the summer.  She is growing up so fast!  

I cannot believe it, but it has been over a year since I've seen her live and in person. 

That absolutely breaks my heart.  

The King was able to go see her last November and again in March.  The Princess and I haven't been there since last July.  

We are really, really hoping to visit before the end of the year. 

As far as her adoption status...we are really farther back than where we were when we started.

When we began this process, we were told it was not a big deal to change her status to "adoptable", that it would be a simple court procedure.  Since then, some papers have appeared in her file that make that particular procedure a bit more difficult. Until that can be done, she is unadoptable. 

Our only hope to adopt her at this moment--and seriously that could change at any time--is due to her medical situation.  

The government is supposedly reviewing all of the orphans with medical needs and reevaluating their status.  IF her file comes across the right person's desk and IF they were to change her status to adoptable, then we can begin that process.  

Until then, we just wait.

I am so thankful for those IFs though.  It gives us something for which we can specifically pray.

It is such a complicated situation.  

If you had asked me before we met her and began this journey how I would handle it, I think that my answer would have been that I would be beating down every door between here and there and calling everyone that might be able to do something--ANYTHING--to help.  I think I would have thought that I would be unable to sleep or eat or stop until there was resolution.

While there have certainly been moments where I/we have felt and done all those things to some degree, that's not where we are right now.

Please don't misunderstand...I love that child.  God has given me this love for her. I want her to be with us.  I want her to be home.  If there was anything at all that we could do to bring her home, we would do it. 

But that's not possible right now. There is nothing that we can do.

I don't know why.  But I know Who does.  And I can rest in that. 

She is in a good place.  She is happy.  She doesn't know there is a different way to live.  We know what she's missing, but she doesn't.

But it makes me sad.  I can't even write this without crying.

I miss her.  I want her to be healthy.  I want her to be happy.  I want her to reach the full potential of who God created her to be.

Inside my head, I've been wrestling with coming to terms as to what that might mean.  

What if she is never able to come home...Did I misunderstand?  Did I fail?  Did God let me down?

I don't think I misunderstood the love that we share.  Looking back, I know without a doubt that we were brought together.  Without question I know that God placed a love for her in our hearts and a love for us in hers.  

I do think that maybe I've written the ending to the story that I want...not sure that it is really how it will end.  I mean...I'm at an orphanage.  There's an orphan that we connect with.  She needs help.  We can offer her help.  We love her.  She loves us. So we adopt her and live happily ever after.

Maybe it is some of those things but not all of those things.

I don't think I/we failed.  I know that The King especially has left no stone unturned. I can't wait to someday tell her the stories of all he has done in trying to help her. That little girl needs to know that there is a Heavenly Father that loves her and would move mountains for her and that there is an earthly father who has and would do the same.

I know that God has not let us down.  He has opened a place in our hearts to a love that we didn't think we'd ever experience.  As a family, we have grown and changed.  Personally, I've conquered fears and considered things I never thought possible.  

I do not know how this will end.  I do not know if we will ever have La P in our home.  I do not know if we will be protected from heartbreak.  

But I know that we can trust Him to be with us through it all.  And that it will be ok.

Thank you so much for continuing to ask about her.  Sometimes I want to talk about her and sometimes I just can't.  It truly thrills me to know that you still pray for her. 

Please continue to pray for her and for all of the precious kids that will someday be placed with a family.  And please pray a special blessing upon those kids, who, for whatever reason, will never be placed with a family of their own.

A Little Rusty

I'm so out of the habit of blogging. 

I was going to start 2010 with, you know, consistency.

But then The Arctic Blast of The Century hit, and, well...the snow days threw me off.

So I think I'll just bullet point a few things and hope for more in the days ahead.

*Arkansans are not used to negative wind chills.  Neither are their pets.  And since we've been unable to relocate any of our felines, we've been snowbound with SIX PETS.  

Could I write that again?

SIX PETS.

I think a vacuum company should guinea pig their products on my home.

Because, again?

SIX PETS.

*Over the holiday season, I determined that pecan pie may be my all time favorite dessert ever.

That's saying something.  

Because I could live on dessert alone.

However.

*I'm thinking of giving up sweets.

I don't really want to.

But I think I should.

*These are my new favorite boots.

 

The Arctic Blast of The Century has introduced me to the joys of rubber boots.  

I love them.

*Ok.  I've read some good books over the past few months that I have not mentioned. I've added them to my amazon store thingy on the side.  

Don't judge, but this series totally entertained me.

 

It is the first in a series of three.  I'm not telling you what they are about. 

Because the combo of special ops, NFL and Christianity is just too much.

(And to my friends in Book Club:  No worries.  We're not reading it.  This month...)

*I also have to share my new most favorite tv show.  

Castle.

 

The Palace watched season 1 in 2 days.

You should watch it.

*Today is my birthday.  I'm closer to 40 than I am to 30. 

I love that.

Plans

Hi.

So my plan for 2010 is to get back to the blogging.

Or to stop the blogging entirely.

Because this "oh, no I forgot to blog and I'm feeling some guilt" is for the birds.

(What the heck does for the birds mean?)

We'll see.

***

Thank you so much for your prayers and emails concerning La P.  This crazy, unknown journey would be so much more difficult if we were going at it alone.

Our faith has been strengthened by your faith.

Here's pretty much where we are today.

Which could change in, like, 3 minutes.  By the time I hit "publish" we'll seriously probably be working on another plan.

But at this moment....

La P is not adoptable.  Which is sort of a good thing.

Guatemala is soon to be re-opening adoptions.  If I understand things correctly (which is honestly not very likely) the new! improved! adoption rules will not allow a family to "choose" their child.  The next family on the list will be given the next child on the list. Make sense?  

The only way to go around that is to have an established & well documented relationship with a particular child.

Well, yeah.

We've got that.

But whose to say what an established & well documented relationship is by definition...?

So.

We are proceeding with attempting to obtain a medical visa.  We have letters from American doctors.  We have a letter from a Guatemalan doctor.  We have a judge who has seemed to look upon the situation favorably. But that judge will be retiring soon.  

And I don't know if you've noticed, but things don't seem to move very fast in Guatemala.

Once she is here on a medical visa and is receiving medical care, we will attempt to have her declared adoptable.

Hopefully, the fact that she has, um, lived with us and we've provided her medical care will be an established and well documented relationship.  You'd think.

The obvious ginormous risk is that it won't work.  That we'll have to send her back.

I cannot go there right now.

I know that it is a possibility.  That's as far as I can process.

I just know that we are willing to take the risk.

Please pray for any person that is making decisions regarding La P.  Pray that they will see past red tape and rules and laws and precedents and see the needs of this beautiful child.

***

Now.

Changing the subject entirely.

Does anyone need a cat for Christmas?

Y'all know I love my cats.

But we currently have FOUR CATS in our house.

And that's a few too many.

The Princess can't bear to give the kittens away.  Once the vet said, "they think you are their mother"...she was hooked.

Fat & Chester don't love being big brothers.

 

The Princess and I will only give them to families that will love them as much as we do.

The King's standards are somewhat lower.

They are declawed, so they need to be indoor kitties. 

They are fixed. 

I can't ever remember which gets spayed and which gets neutered. 

If you live in our area and are interested in one or both, or know someone who might be interested, let me know.

And please don't email me telling me I'm a bad pet owner.  I have an immense amount of guilt.  It will have to be a great situation for the cats for us to be ok with it.

(Read between the lines:  This is a decree of The King.)

Hi. It's Me.

So, um, hello.

How are y'all?

I'm good.

I am almost sorta feeling settled in the new house.

That almost sorta feeling has come after DAYS of not sleeping, trying to get everything put in its place so that life can get back to some sort of normal.

(P.S.  Normal doesn't actually exist.)

I am going to take lots of pictures for you soon.

Like, maybe tomorrow.

Here's what's been going on at The Palace...

*We moved.

*We cleaned the old house. (This, by the way, was not fun.)

*We've been taking care of the kittens.

The kittens' claws are becoming weapons of mass destruction.

*The King had a birthday last Thursday.

*La P had a birthday last Thursday.

She's 6.

(If you are wondering, The King is exactly 30 years older than La P.)

It breaks my heart for her to have had a birthday and not have been with her.

I don't think she even knew it was her birthday, though.

Which also breaks my heart.

*The Princess has a birthday today!!!  

Happy Birthday, Princess!

(She is 12!)

*My mom got married.
 

I've missed catching up with each of you.  

My blog reader thing says 1000+.  My sanity may require that I hit "delete all".  

If something has gone on in your world that I've missed, let me know.  

Seriously.

I need to know.

I just can't wade through 1000+ to find out your news.

Thanks for hanging around.

I mean it.