(In) Security

There are some of us who feel the peace and love of God when everything is going perfectly.  When everyone is well and the budget is working and the future is looking relatively calm.

And.

There are some of us who feel the peace and love of God when life is in chaos. When life is uncertain and questions aren't answered and the future is not somewhere your brain dare roam.

I would be a member of the chaos club.

It feels backwards.

And ridiculous.

But when things are going smoothly, I feel insecure.  

I'm afraid to be comfortable.

I think it may be because I came to know the abundant love of Jesus during a time of trial, but I long to confidently receive the love of Jesus when things are rolling easy.

I don't want to keep hiding and waiting for the next disaster.

I know that it is a lack of faith.  And not how God works.

Can anyone relate?