This Path

I want to share about our day trip with La P, but first I'm going to continue with my thoughts from the last post.  

This trip to Guatemala felt different for us.  The other trips have been amazing and wonderful and have revealed many things that I'm grateful to have learned.  The same can be said for this one, but in different ways.

This trip caused me to look beyond me.  To look beyond what is a little bit uncomfortable and come face to face with what's really uncomfortable.  

I'm left knowing that there has to be more to life than striving to get to an imaginary point of success.  

There has to be more than giving out of obligation.

There has to be more than standing on the sidelines and wondering what it would be like to play.

I feel as if we are moving in a direction, but the map has been blacked out.  We can only see a few miles in front of us.

The King describes it as using a head lamp when the stadium lighting is not working.  

Here's all that I know for sure...

2 years ago, I was begging God to give me a stomach virus so that I wouldn't have to go to Guatemala for a week.

And since then...I've been back twice.  The King's been back 10 times.  God has given me a sweet child who may never really be mine.  My husband has survived brain trauma and surgery.  We're in the midst of some financial situations that would have (2 years ago) sent me into permanent fetal position. Our future is pretty much completely unknown.

But I have a peace that I've never had before.  

Not in spite of all of those things, but because of all of those things.  

I've seen how God prepared me for things that I could never have seen coming.  He used each situation (which I'd think surely HAD to be the end) to stretch me and grow me and place me in circumstances that I never would have thought I'd be capable of enduring.  

And then here we'd go again.

Only now I'm not sure where we are going.  Because, unlike the times before, I don't feel the same need to fight.  I don't have a particular destination that I'm trying to reach.  

Plan A no longer appeals to me.

So you can sense that I'm confused, I'm guessing.

And I'm not sure why I'm sharing it with the internet.

Vulnerable, much?

Any wise words or experiences that you have about finding direction?

Or anything else?  

Like a new snack.  Or great jeans.  Or something else to distract me from reality...?

(And if you are wondering if there was any point to this rambling, the answer is no.)

 

Comments

[Melanie Harrington]

Your journey, literally and spiritually, has been such an encouragement to me. I am looking forward to what God has in store for you and your family. I know it will be for your good and HIS glory.

[courtney e.]

I echo the previous comment! Your past few posts have reminded me of this video that I watched a few days ago. And, I don't think it's coincidence--I'm pretty sure there's a message I'M supposed to be getting!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LA_uwWPE6lQ

[Me-Moddy]

I had to laugh outloud at your "vulnerable much?" comment. You have a gift of writing that is so fun for us the readers. It sounds like you are processing so much from this trip and we appreciate you sharing your heart in this way. My hubby and I have been married for 14 years, been in the ministry, suffered through infertility, adopted our 2 babies and have had to trust God and do the whole head lamp without the stadium lights thing on more occasions than I would care to count. The thing is when you are waiting, that is all you can do. It seems like nothing, but praying and waiting is such a HUGE part of our Christianity and our walk with the Lord. I heard a message once on "Holding Patterns" - like when the planes circle overhead and are waiting for a safe place to land or for the jetway to be free. That's my life a lot of the time. You sound like you are in a Holding Pattern indeed. I am praying that God brings clarity to your family soon. On an up-note - yay for the Peace that you have!! That is such a gift. O.K. now, to distract you, I have a fun recipe blog you could go pull something from and make yourself something chocolatey or cheesy. :-) www.karasrecipebox.blogspot.com

[Paula]

I think you say the most in the posts where you think you say the least. Rambling? Not from where I'm reading. Sounded pretty cohesive and focused to me.

[Heather]

"And I'm not sure why I'm sharing it with the internet."

Ummmmm.....because I'm needing to hear this???

See my comment on your previous post. I think that explains what I mean. :)

Heather

[Your mother]

You may think you sound rambling, but you are actually speaking very clearly...to our benefit. One of the previous commenters wrote about our Christian life being in a "holding pattern". While your life is "holding", you are ministering to all of us who read your thoughts. God has give you a gift and you are using it.

[PeepOne]

I don't think you have any idea how many people you inspire in your daily life. Please keep blessing us B.

[kristen]

I was sitting here, reading the last few posts, when my seven year old and three year old came over and asked for breakfast and I griped about how I'd like a little time in the morning, on my Saturday morning, to read my blogs and basically fart around and do nothing. And I realized how damned selfish I am, how awfully selfish that I can't just get off my lazy bum and fix breakfast for my babies. And how Mama Carmen doesn't complain, and I'll bet she NEVER sits around reading blogs.

Sister, I thank you for your perspective. I've been searching lately...searching for my role, my place, my calling. I still don't know what it is, but I know it is something...and I'm going to pray like to dickens to become a better person, to find my calling, to live life serving with a joyful heart. THANK YOU!

[Sue B.]

Your post reminded me of this poem that I love & I was given a copy years ago....

http://www.pattishomepage.com/read/bikeride.htm

I think you're in the spot right now where God is telling you to 'Hang on' & 'Pedal'

Praying,
Sue