Here's Why I'm Not Blogging

1.  I am going to be moving in less than 2 weeks.

2.  I have not packed a single thing.

3.  Do I really need any more reasons?

So we went to Sam's Club to get a new television on Monday.  

The King is super excited to get a flat screen.

We currently have a tiny little flat screen.

Our other 2 televisions were purchased when I was in the 9th grade.

I wish I were kidding.

Anyway.  We went to Sam's.

While at Sam's, I was approached by a mattress selling lady.  She actually had a really great sales pitch thing and was so obviously out of her comfort zone that my heart was mildly broken. 

We need a new mattress.  Ours is 12 years old and has a RATHER DRAMATIC lean to The Side O' The King.

(Consequently, The King does not feel that a new mattress is necessary.  He does not roll to the right every single night.)

Where was I?

So the precious, scared lady was trying to sell me a mattress.  

I decided it was a good time to buy and I thought she could use a little boost.

She encouraged me to lie (lay?) on the sample mattress.

I pulled out the sample mattress and OH MY WORD AT THE NASTINESS.

I plead with you to never, never, never pull out the sample mattress at Sam's.  

I would encourage Sam's to consider providing some sort of disposable covering type thing on the sample mattress.

All of that is not my point, though.

My point is that the mattress lady was offering a $50 gift card with the Labor Day purchase of the mattress.  

So I went to the service desk to tell them that I wanted a mattress.

The Girl In An Important Vest said, "We don't have any."

I said, "But there's a big huge mattress selling display thing happening in the middle of the store."

She said, "We'll have to get some ordered.  I show that we are out of the mattresses."

I said, "Well can I get my $50 gift card if it is ordered?"

She said, "No."

I said, "But can I have a raincheck type thing?"

She said, "No."

I said, "Why are you telling customers that they can have a gift card with the purchase of a mattress when there are no mattresses to be purchased?"

She said, "I can't sell you what I don't have."

Let's review, shall we?

I didn't just come up with the idea that a gift card would be a lovely token of Sam's gratitude for my purchase...the mattress lady approached me.  And offered a gift card.  With the purchase of a mattress.  On that day.  

So The King decided to visit with the manager.  

I decided to take that opportunity to go pay for the flat screen.

We had the tv in the basket along with a ticket with its listed price.

However.

We were charged $200 more than the listed price.

I took that piece of info to The King, who was still waiting on the manager.

I decided to take that opportunity to go get a hot dog.

The Princess and I ordered 3 hot dog combos.

The sweet Sam's hot dog lady gave me 2 hot dogs and 3 cups.  The Princess took our cups to fill and I waited on the 3rd hot dog.

The sweet Sam's hot dog lady (heretofore known as SSHDL) turned to her not quite as sweet Sam's hot dog ladies and asked one of them to please put some new hot dogs in the cooker.

The not quite as sweet Sam's hot dog lady (heretofore known as NQASSHDL) said she was too busy.

Might I add that I'm loving the irony of that nickname.

SSHDL kindly said that it would be great if NQASSHDL could get to those hot dogs rather quickly since a customer was waiting.

I moved to the side and SSHDL began helping the line of customers.  

I waited about 8 minutes, then reminded SSHDL that I still needed that hot dog.

(It must be noted that The King is still speaking with the manager during this time.)

SSHDL asked NQASSHDL if she could get to those hot dogs.

NQASSHDL said she would.

But, sadly, she did not.

(It must be noted that I am not in too much of a hurry because, as mentioned, The King is still hanging with the manager.)

SSHDL waited on a few more customers.

Finally, in what can only be described as a Seriously Well-Deserved Labor Day Melt Down, SSHDL turned to the entire staff of NQASSHDLs and screamed, "WILL SOMEBODY GET ME A STINKIN' HOT DOG?!"

The Princess and I burst into fits of uncontrollable and inappropriate laughter.

A few minutes later, we received our 3rd hot dog.

I stuffed the hot dogs in my purse and made my way to The King.

Who, by this time, had sweet talked his way into the $200 off of the tv, a mattress that will arrive next week AND a gift card, an upgraded membership and a $100 travel voucher.

I feel certain that I had a point to all of this.  I just don't recall what that was. 

Something to do with my not blogging.

(Which I deeply regret.)

(And plan to resume as soon as possible.)

Comments

[Robyn (3GirlsMom)]

La P update? She (actually all of you) has been on my heart a lot lately.....

[Headless Mom]

Sounds like you have your hands full. Thank goodness you at least have hot dogs.

[kyooty]

What a weekend, of course Sam's is partof that other World invasion so this doesn't surprise me at all!

[Kayren]

There was a point to my comment, too, but somewhere in the acronyms and fits of laughing I can't recall it either! I think it had to do with missing your blogging updates.

[Sherilyn -Dominee Huisvrouw]

I enjoyed your hot dog story, the part I just can't get past though, is that you put hot dogs in your purse. Doesn't that make your purse stink like, well, hot dogs?

[April]

Woohoo - Ima shoppin' with you guys from now on!

[Sara Bowyer]

oh my gosh, I needed this laugh this morning!!!

so they didn't even give you a bag for your hotdogs?!!! :)

[misty]

I've been wondering about LP too...

oh my gosh. you are far more patient than I am, which I realize is a huge flaw on my part.

[Jennifer]

Stinkin' hilarious! I swear girl that you and I have the same kind of bad luck when it comes to anything customer service related! At least we have great families to know that we have the best "good" luck in the whole entire world!

[Tonggu Momma]

Stop hanging out at Sam's all of the time so you can start hanging out with us again. Because we are obviously a MUCH nicer group of people. Who wants to hang out with an NQASSHDL all day????

[Kelly @ Love Well]

I think the point is: You don't mess with The King.

(Miss you.)

[Kellyn]

Nice job King! I don't get people...at all somedays.

[Kim]

I think I had almost forgotten how much I enjoyed reading your blog....I will hang in there and wait patiently for your return!

[RLR]

Loved this - though of course, it's so much funnier if you are on the outside looking in, instead of actually living the moment. Glad it (eventually) turned out well for you.
Don't worry about not blogging - still thinking about you when I see my La P bracelet!

[PaulaW]

:-)

[jean]

I'm so happy you're back even it's just a post about, umm, hmm, something to do with hot dogs. Great now I have to go and have one myself. Enjoy the TV and the bed!

[Shelia Bowman]

So, um, could I borrow him next time I have to deal with a stinky store?

Enjoy your new tv!

[Lindsay @ Bytes of Memory]

lol WTG The King! Glad you got your hotdog!! And all the extras :-)

[Michele]

So glad you blogged today...you always make me laugh!
I am really proud of the King for taking a stand and finally getting some good service!
Bad customer service really makes me grumpy...

[rachel@just another day in paradise]

too funny--as long as it didn't happen to you, I'm sure.

I just hope you're not planning on attending anymore hog football games after the "unfortunate ticket/seating incident of '08".

[Dawn W]

Oh, wow... We need a new mattress, too, and almost headed to our Sam's for the same sale. Instead, we headed to the lake. I'm thinking now we made the better choice! LOL

Looking foward to the post-move blogging. Moving is always good for blog fodder. Praying all goes smoothly for you!

[kris]

GOOD FOR Y'ALL! Why can't they all just do what they say they are gonna do?? It always has to be a fight! I'm glad it all worked out! Can't wait to hear about your mattress, I am having mattress envy about now! ;)

[livinandlaughinoutloud]

This is why I just love the palace. Who else could make a trip to Sam's into a wildly entertaining event?

[Kelly]

ROTFLMBO - seriously, are you living my life?!?!?

Thanks for the smiles!

So excited for your move!

[Shannon]

Would you believe *we* bought a mattress at Sam's this weekend too? Our trip was a lot less funny.