Time Keeps On Ticking

Y'all. I'm not crafty. Or patient. Or careful.

The Princess' school requires all students who are in the 5th grade to make and maintain a timeline. They will use this timeline all the way through 12th grade.

Which could make me a little weepy if I thought too long about it.

Anyway.

Yesterday the school offered a workshop for parents to assemble this timeline.

We had to bring scissors. And a ruler. And glue.

So I kind of knew that I was in for it.

Upon arrival, I had no idea as to what this timeline thing was about.

It goes from the beginning of time until the present in 100 year segments. The students will fill it in as they study history and the Bible. They can also fill it in with important times in their life...times, like, oh, I don't know...the year of their mom's birth or something.

So we sat at tables and the teacher passed out sketch books. She told us to tear out all but the first page. We would still be using the pages that we removed, though.

Now might be a good time to mention that I got an S- in kindergarten art.

Who gets an S- in kindergarten art?

I kind of get in a hurry. I like to be the first one finished.

So I immediately ripped out about 10 pages at one time.

And ruined 6 of them.

After we tore out the pages, we had to cut the frilly paper mess off the edges.

And the frilly paper mess was sort of the beginning of the end for me.

I really don't like frilly paper mess.

What I like less than frilly paper messes, however, are complicated craft projects.

Our next step was to measure a half inch from the edge on all 26 pages and then fold the edges.

During that ridiculously tedious process, my friend, Shelley leaned over to me and said, "I think I'm sensing what it might have been like to sit by you in school."

Then she asked me if she could ask the teacher to move her.

I may or may not have been sighing and groaning.

Then we had to glue the 26 pages together to form an accordion. Which is WAY harder than it sounds.

WAY.

After the 2 weeks of gluing, we were supposed to attach the accordion to the first page that we left in the book.

About that time I noticed that the spiral/coil/whatever binding thing on my book was jacked up.

My pages couldn't turn.

The teacher told me to to make mine backwards.

I didn't even understand how to make it frontwards.

I feel I should mention that this was about the time that Shelley bailed and headed for the mall. Something about me ruining her crafting mojo...

So I got my accordion backwards in the book and measured 5 1/2 inches down the front and back of all 26 pages and drew the line. And labeled every hundred years from 2400 B.C. to 2100 A.D.

That's a lot of years.

The teacher then mentioned that after the book is assembled, the parents need to let the kids do the rest of the work.

The Princess will take her grimy little hands and neon gel pens and vandalize my timeline.

That almost gives me the shakes.

It is ok. I'm sure she'll appreciate how much time and energy I spent assembling a map of the history of the entire world.

Won't she look beautiful carrying it down the aisle on her wedding day?

See? It looks harmless.

Until it is opened.

I'm not sure if you were paying attention earlier, but the timeline is on the front and back of each of those pages.

You understand that, right?

Comments

[chickadee@afamiliarpath]

oh my word! that looks complicated. no wonder they need the parents to help. but what a great job you did! you'd certainly get an a or something in kindergarten now.

[Mari Taylor]

Well I just think that the whole thing is ridiculous! I'm not crafty so my poor children would be getting a big fat "F".

Kudos to you for completing it! I'm not sure I would have had the patience.

[Shara]

Wow. I am so glad I no longer have to be a student. I don't miss those days at all!!

[Brenda]

Wow - what a project! And I thought the directions for a First Communion banner were difficult...I'd have been lost trying to make one of these timelines. You did a great job!

YAY YOU!!

[Heather]

Ok. I don't whether to question the motives of the school or to applaud them...

I feel for you. Here would be been my problem. I am semi-wannabe-crafty. But I would have raised my hand and asked WHY it had to be in a line? WHY does it have to be the same as all the others? I would have totally wanted to buck the system and be totally creative and original. Like my [then] 2nd grader's timeline last year.

I know the Princess is appreciative of your efforts.

:)

[Kellyn]

I am crafty, and that would have sent me into ticks for sure!

[Beth (A Mom's Life)]

Oh Sweet Lord! I am confused just reading this and looking at it is making me sick to my stomach. Just sick.

And they seriously expect that this timeline will last through 12th grade?

I hope you have a little vault at your house just for this because that's what I would need to keep it intact for one year, much less EIGHT!

My thoughts and prayers are with you and the timeline!

[Dawn W]

Don't ya just love assignments that require more effort from US than from our student?!

At our high school, the students are required to keep all of their english writing assignments on a memory stick. In the 12th grade, they have to prepare a graduation project that is a compilation of many of their pieces. My son just started 10th grade. Guess how many times we've had the panic of "OMGoodness... where is the memory stick? I can't find the memory stick!" (Tone of panic rising with each exclamation!) We're backing it up pretty regularly now.

[jennifer]

Too funny! All in all... It looks like you did a GREAT job! I bet you'd get the best mark possible in kindergarten now! :o)

Smiles,
Jen

[Tara]

That looks like a big ol' pain in the tukus. I would have taken pictures and blogged about the nightmare as well.

:)

[Mama Belle]

That's way too much work. Couldn't you have just paid the art teacher to do it? Teachers need extra money, right?

Oh, it was probably the sentimental thing to do. I get it now. Whatever. I still would have paid someone else to do it. And it looks fine to me.

[Robyn]

First of all, I am laughing so hard. Your crafting prowess is impressive.
Second, I have never EVER heard of a student project that required a parent workshop. That, in itself, might be a little indication that the initial steps are a little difficult.
Third, I would rent a safety deposit box to keep the blasted thing in. Can you imagine her getting all the way to 11th grade and say, um, drop it in the mud? I don't think there would be any way to replace 6 years of work.
Fourth, can you bronze the dang thing when you're done?
Fifth, I'm actually REALLY interested in a Biblical timeline that takes 7 years to complete. I can imagine that it will be insanely detailed and will really teach her a lot. I would love to see a finished one.
Have a fantastic 7 years. You might be in an eternal twitch after the whole thing is completed and you've protected the dang thing for 7 years.

[Headless Mom]

Holy Toledo that's a lot of work! Kudos to you for getting it done. I think I would have passed out around the 'tear all of the pages out' step.

[shelley]

I totally feel like we have been to Kindergarten together now! That project had me break out into a cold sweat! I couldn't even enjoy my shopping due to the fact I knew I still had to go home and draw a big old straight line down the middle. :-)

[Joan]

I would have needed medication to do that project in front of people. I got anxious just reading your post.
Good for you for getting it finished.

[Sandy]

As a homeschool mom, I couldn't help laughing at this. I feel your pain. I think we've gone through about ten varieties of timelines. I'm not sure I should mention it, but I'm pretty sure you guys could have just purchased a book like this. But, I suppose it wouldn't be kind to mention that at this point.

[pattik]

Oh my! I would have so been behind
Shelly heading to the mall!! Good
job B.

[Shannon]

I have never heard of such! Keeping up with something from 5th-12th grade?!?!?!? This sounds crazy! You did a great job on it though! :)

[Lanxi]

Okay, I just opened our new curriculum, and was 'delighted' to find out we had to do a timeline. I thought about putting the 13 year old in charge....

But now, you have saved me from the dilemma of how to do it! But really, how much do you want to make another??? Any amount.... just name it!

[Jen]

Girl. Your MOTHER was a kindergarten teacher, wasn't she?

I am laughing and laughing and laughing.

xox

[Katrina (Callapidder Days)]

Um. You are kidding me. I am strongly opposed to any school project that involves the *parent* investing more than 20 minutes (and even those should only happen occasionally). But a project that required you to go to a workshop and put in that amount of work? I'm afraid I might have written a not-so-polite note to the powers that be. Yikes.

But you did a much better job than I could have done. Art & handwriting were by far my worst subjects throughout elementary school. And for good reason.

[Theresa]

You lost me at "y'all"......

I can't do crafts either, but it looks like you did a great job.

[Lisa@take90west]

I just can't imagine glued paper lasting for the next 7 years. I would be a nervous wreck everytime she opened that book. I'd be yelling "Be careful! Not so rough!"
I have never heard of a parent workshop for something like that...

[Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy]

Seriously? My son sat at his desk on the second day of school and cut holes in his shorts because he didn't want them anymore. There is no way a glued folder would make it eight years. You are a good woman.

[Steph]

Oh, I'm with Katrina. If I actually went to the workshop (and I'm afraid it would take a direct word from God to make me go), I would probably be doing a whole lot of moaning.

I'm a rebel at heart though. My first thought if I accepted the assignment would be, "Why do I have to do it THAT way? I could do it faster and better my way."