The Queen B

If Only We Could Have Added GCS

So we got all the luggage packed into the new car.

The new car with the small, small trunk.

Which I would illustrate with a funny picture of everything crammed into the above-mentioned trunk except I no longer have a camera.

I must digress from my GCS story to the camera story for just a second.

If you read QM's blog, you are aware of the near-death parasailing adventure. She so didn't accurately describe the amount of actual near-death.

Lots and lots of actual near-death.

As a last hoorah for the vacation, QM offered to send The Princess back into the sky. The Princess said she would go only if QM joined her.

After I got off the ground from laughter, QM looked at me and said, "She gets her evil from you."

To which I responded, "Well where do you think I got it?"

Genetics. It rocks.

So in a very un-QM-like move, QM opted in.

We walked down to the parasailing booth and the owner was working. He kind of reminded me of a pimp.

Not that I know any pimps.

But if I did know a pimp, I would think he would be a lot like this man.

The Pimp tried to double our fee, but when we told him that we'd done it on Tuesday and it was half as much we'll not be going thank you so much, he remembered that it was, in fact, only half as much.

Bless his forgetful pimpin' heart.

He said there were 6 people in front of us and asked us to come back in an hour.

When we came back, we were joined by a couple who had also purchased the parasailing adventure of a lifetime.

We all stood in the water waiting for the boat. The Pimp said we were going to have to go to the boat. It was (according to The King) 100 yards out. The Pimp said we would be able to touch except for just a minute where we would swim to the next place where we could touch.

Now, a brighter girl might have noticed that all of the other parasailing boats were nowhere to be seen.

We all begin our trek out to the boat. We could touch for about 20 yards. Then, nothing. No sea floor. The Princess is a great swimmer, but, it is the ocean. I was a teensy bit freaked. We swam for about 20 yards and then the massive waves started coming at us.

It was about that time when I had no recollection of whether or not QM could swim.

The King and The Princess and the couple were closer to the boat. I was staying back with QM. As we approached the boat the waves got even bigger and the boat was rocking all over the place. All I could see was that The Princess was in the perfect spot for the boat to come right down on her. So while we are all in various stages of trying to get to the boat, trying to get on the boat and trying not to drown, the teenage captains are yelling, "Be careful where you put your hands on the ladder! If your hand gets in a hinge, it will cut your finger off!!!"

Well great.

The couple got onto the boat. The Princess got onto the boat. QM got to the ladder and became stuck. She was not able to go up or down. She was not moving. I think that I must have climbed over her. Then I heard The King yell, "QM, I am going to stick my hand on your butt so get ready!"

And he pretty much shoved her up and in to the boat.

So the couple gets dressed for the adventure. And the dude says something briefly about being scared of heights.

Well great.

So they go up and do their thing and then on the way down...hurling. Lots and lots of hurling.

The Princess and QM fortunately get to fly into the sky. The King and I had to endure 15 minutes of the hurling.

Oh, the hurling.

Anyway. Finally, my peeps landed and we headed back to the shore.

Oh, wait. Not the shore. 100 yards out from the shore.

And for the sake of time, I am totally leaving out the horrors of the jarring and bumpy ride back to the 100 yards from shore.

The teenage captains told us the best thing for us to do would be to jump off of the side of the boat.

Now might be a little late in the story for me to tell you that we were not afforded the luxury of life jackets during any part of this adventure.

I flailed into the ocean. The Princess flailed. QM and The King flailed. The hurlers flailed.

You think I was gonna swim behind him?

It was horrible and difficult swimming back to shore. I tried to carry The Princess, who was (for the first time on this whole vacation) terrified. It is hard to swim and carry and be waylaid by the waves.

But we did it. We made it. No more parasailing.

Oh yeah. The camera. That is where I was going, wasn't it?

We had my camera in a ziploc and it was drenched and ruined.

Not happy.

But I suppose we had to choose the camera or the not drowning and we went with the not drowning.

Ok. So back to my original posting topic.

The new car has a GPS. So we plugged in our address and looked it over and it looked right and so, after a trip to Sonic, we were off.

The Princess was heavily involved with Silver Spoons and The King and I were having great conversation.

Part of that conversation went like this...

B: I don't remember seeing that outlet mall on the way down.
King: Me either.

More great conversation. And then listening to the NASCAR All-Star race on the radio.

Another part went like this:

King: We are only 40 miles from New Orleans?
B: Not possible. We are going north.

Back to the racing.

Finally, I looked out at the window and realized that we were in Gulfport, MS.

We were supposed to be in Hattiesburg.

If that means nothing to you, then look here.

Miss GPS was just sending us about 7 hours out of the way and we were going along with it.

Perhaps I should have noticed that we never hit the ridiculously long 4 lane highway.

Or that the compass thing said southwest instead of northwest.

Could somebody please package Good Common Sense and put it in the dash?

I think a GCS could do me way more good than the stinkin' GPS...

Updated to Add: When Miss GPS implored us to take EACH and EVERY exit ramp in Arkansas only to get right back on the interstate...we didn't. We did not listen to Miss GPS.

We used our Good Common Sense and stayed on the interstate.

Life's A Beach Part 7

Tonight is the last night of vacation.

Sort of.

We are going to enjoy the beach tomorrow and then head part of the way home tomorrow evening.

Thank you for tagging along with me on vacation.

See you next week!!!

Life's A Beach Part 6

I can feel the disappointment of the beginning of the end of the vacation starting to set in.

Today was stormy. Not much going on.

We began at the Waffle House. It is close to where we are staying, and The King could only look at it so many times before insisting that we partake of the waffle.

However.

I kept smelling something really nasty and couldn't figure out what it was. Until I looked over the wall thing and saw that I was next to the trash can. Which almost made me dry heave.

Oh, I kid. I totally finished my waffle.

But I was grossed out.

The King, The Princess and I then drove about an hour to a car dealership. The King is all about fuel economy these days. He has been wanting to trade my 4runner for a hybrid car but we've not been able to find the one he we wanted in Arkansas. He worked out a deal with the Florida dealership for us to trade while we were here. He We could trade for a deal that he we couldn't pass up.

Here's the problem: I am not really sure that our luggage will fit in the trunk of the car.

First of all, it is a car. Second of all, the battery for the hybrid is in the trunk. Which takes up about a quarter of the space.

It is not very promising.

So we picked up the car and grabbed a Large Sonic Diet Coke (hallelujah) and headed back to the house.

Where I napped.

Then we went to a totally fabulous place for supper. (Thank you, Robyn.) I had yummy pork tenderloin on a yummy bed of mashed sweet potatoes with a not-as-yummy piece of key lime pie.

We ate outside and it was lovely. QM really likes a live band. She said so at least 47 times.

QM really likes a live band.

Nannie does not like eating outside so much. She said so at least 47 times.

Then The Princess had a little more action.

When did she become such a thrill seeker?

We finished up at a tacky little souvenir shop. Which The Princess was all about. But then we had to quickly leave for an impending bathroom situation.

Tomorrow is our next to last day of vacation. I so love just being with my family without the craziness of everyday stuff. I wish that I could figure out how to get that same feeling at home. You know...make our home have the same relaxed feeling of being away...where the everyday "stuff" just doesn't get to us.

I'll work on that.

Life's A Beach Part 5

My sore and burning body was NOT going to see the sun today.

So my sore and burning body went shopping.

I thought I'd share the adventure that The King and The Princess experienced yesterday.

The Princess was bored.

Apparently the beach is not much fun when you are an only child and your parents want to nap.

Who knew?

Anyway.

The King and The Princess walked down to the little stand where you could rent a kayak for an hour.

Because doesn't it sound fun to work your bum off in the freezing cold water for an hour?

I didn't think so, either.

The Princess came running back saying, "We can rent a kayak for $10 or go parasailing for $120! I want to parasail!!"

Of course she did.

And so did The King.

"And guess what mom? You and Mimi can ride in the boat with us!!!"

Yippee.

So the four of us trekked to the kayak/ripoff stand.

We filled out the liability information, paid and were off to the boat.

Which was, unfortunately, about 100 feet out in the ocean.

Now I'm not sure that I've adequately explained the current temperature of the ocean.

Go put a bowl of water in the freezer for 15 minutes and then stick your hand in it.

The minute Mimi saw that we would have to go chest-high in the ocean...she opted out.

Wimp.

I couldn't let The Princess down. I had to get to that stinkin' boat.

Wow. It was really cold.

Let me show you the spot from which QM observed the action.

Under the orange umbrella on the left.

We launched out to sea under the guidance of our responsible captain and co-captain--the people who would also be shooting my husband and only child up into the sky.

Their years of experience totally made me comfortable.

The King and The Princess put on their life jackets and those teenagers hooked on the thin, worn looking ropes and they were off.

I was thinking they would kind of drag behind the boat.

Nope.

And they kept going...

The teenagers asked me if I'd like to pay them to take pictures. I told them no thank you, I had my own camera.

So every time I pulled out my camera they would head directly into a wave. To either knock the camera out of my hands or ruin it with water.

It was so on purpose.

And meanwhile, my peeps were heading straight into the sky...

I was completely unsettled about the fact that my 10 year old was dangling 300 feet from the ground. But then I caught what seemed to be a gesture of utter joy...she punched her arms up into the air and threw her head back with satisfaction.

And that just thrilled my heart.

When she landed (and praise The Lord that she did) she told me it was the greatest thing she had ever done.

I am so proud of her.

Guess what escorted us back to shore?

How cool is that?

The King said they were some of the most active dolphins he had ever seen in the wild.

You know, because he is a marine biologist and all.

After we returned to the house, The Princess called her grandfather to tell him about the fun of the parasailing. I heard her tell him that she would love to do it again if someone would pay for it.

It wasn't that cool.

Life's A Beach Part 4

When I think of vacations, I generally think of lots of rest & relaxation.

Well. Not this time.

I am averaging 5 hours of sleep per night.

I require 8. Minimum.

And it is not because I'm having wild nights on the town.

It is because of this.

And this.

And these.

These hideous windows are in my bedroom.

And in Florida it goes from dark to light at 6:45 a.m.

And guess who is wide awake?

And unable to go back to sleep?

It's not The King.

So I went on a little errand today.

And bought a sleeping mask thing.

Look at the back side...

Aahhhh. Total darkness.

We'll see if it works.

And in other vacation news...you know how I have very limited sunblock application skills?

Well. I was left to my own devices this morning and check out the results.

Yes, that is my thigh.

Get over it.

And please note the thumb print on my shin. That takes talent.

I'm fussy and tired and sore and that's all I've got for now.

Later.

Life's A Beach Part 3

The Princess has lived her dream.

Which is a great thing to have done by the age of 10, don’t you think?

Her goal in life has been to swim with a dolphin.

No more, no less.

And since I am in the running for Mother of the Year, I am all about dream fulfillment.

However.

I am not all about cold water so I sent The King to join her on this adventure.

We could have sent her in by herself, but in case the swimming mammal had chosen that particular moment to attack, someone would have had to throw himself in its path.

And who better than The King?

There were 12 people who were signed up to swim with a dolphin.

And The Princess was the only person under the age of 30.

Weird.

Each person got to do a trick with the dolphin. The Princess floated on her back with the dolphin floating on its back beside her. When the dolphin would complete its trick, it would get so excited and squeal. It made an especially loud squeal for The Princess.

All of the dolphin-loving adults did their tricks.

Except for The King. He was last. He was supposed to twist and swim with the dolphin doing the same.
But the dolphin wouldn’t cooperate. It swam off and left The King in its dust.

And when they finished?

No squeal. The King was the only participant that didn’t get a squeal.

After the tricks it was time for the swimming.

The dolphin-loving adults and The Princess were to grab onto the dolphin’s dorsal fin and hold on while the dolphin made a lap around the pool.

Each person had their turn and earned the appropriate squeal.

Except for The King.

When The King reached for the dorsal fin---the dolphin freaked.

It took off and started rapidly swirling around The King’s legs.

Which I thought might possibly be a sign of aggression.

And having her dad eaten by a dolphin would have really messed up The Princess’ dream.

So the dolphin trainer person had The King rub the dolphin’s head and try to make friends.

Then they tried the swim again.

No luck.

Dolphin freaked.

The Queen Mother and I were concerned.

Or hysterically laughing.

I can’t seem to remember which.

The dolphin trainer person finally told The King he could “lead the dolphin in singing a song”.

We think it was so The King wouldn’t feel bad about himself.

And so they wouldn’t have to refund his money.

He balked at first.

But went for it with gusto.

Which apparently mortified The Princess.

We don’t know why the dolphin hated The King.

But it did.

And it appears to me that the dolphin is sticking out its tongue at him.

The dolphin trainer person told us that the reason that the dolphin kept swimming away from The King as fast as possible is that it wanted to play with him.

That’s a good one.

And these pictures don’t really show anything other than the creepiness of looking through the tank at the distorting of the body.

Look how the legs don’t line up with the body.

CREEPY.

It was so much fun to see The Princess totally and completely happy.

And to see The King completely and utterly dissed.

I mean that in the nicest way possible.

More later...

Life's A Beach Part 2

The ants came marching in our house
Hoorah, Hoorah

They found a peanut on the floor
Hoorah, Hoorah

The Princess freaked; Queen Mother cried
The King, he sprayed; The ants all died

And we all decided
not
to eat
anymore
tonight.

Life's A Beach Part 1

The seas, they are angry.

So angry that we've got the double red flag.

Which means that you will be shot upon entry into the ocean.

Or something like that.

We have come to the beach to stay with The Queen Mother and Nannie. They are here for the month of May. We are bumming renting a room from them for the week.

The house is great. It couldn't be more perfect.

The Princess and The King have been waging a war against Shamu.

Shamu is currently winning.

Nannie is reading. She's already on her 5th book of vacation.

I hope that each of you mamas has a fantabulous Mother's Day!!!

I am doing my best to remind my mother how lucky she is to have had me.

(Love you, Mom!!!)

More later...