There are two words that, when used in combination, have historically struck fear into my soul.
Can you handle it?
Youth Retreat.
Since The Princess is now a part of our church's youth, the King and I are serving as co-co-co-co-leaders.
The Youth Retreat had been on the schedule for a while. For the longest, it seemed way off in the future. The move, etc. had caused it to slip my mind a bit.
But frankly, I'd been dreading the entire event.
I do have to say that it was quite a lot of fun.
The kids were not scary.
The topics of conversation did not cause me to convulse.
I slept well.
(I wore earplugs.)
Then came Day 2...
Day 2 was Adventure Day.
Now y'all know me well enough to know that I am not the biggest fan of the "adventure".
Our day started with a kid or two "falling" into the lake.
In 38 degree temperature.
One of those kids had one pair of shoes and the other had one pair of underwear.
(Yes. They were both boys.)
I gave the underwear boy my hair dryer to dry his unmentionables.
He promised that my dryer would not touch his undies.
After lunch, we immediately went to the adventure area.
Our first activity was the zip line.
Do you see how high that is?
I mean..really? Do you see?
The Princess has no fear.
Me? Tons of fear. I climbed really quickly. I just didn't think about it. Until I had to step from the pole to the platform...not so easy.
See how my right hand is attached to something? It was some teensy piece of metal. I couldn't bring myself to let go of it.
I asked the fella (who, by the way, said he'd never done the zip line) if he could please, please double check my harness.
The King asked if he could go backwards.
I was asking how the heck to get off of that thing.
The King was asking if he could run and jump.
I realized that my options were to either glide down or climb down.
Gliding then became my only option.
I couldn't step off of the platform. I just couldn't do it.
So I squatted. And sort of rolled off.
Like a semi-somersault.
I'm so grateful that there is not a picture of that roll.
That's me. Gliding. Without an ounce of grace.
So then the next device of torture was The Screamer.
Here's the deal.
IT IS CALLED THE SCREAMER.
At the point at which I decided to be a cool, hip, youth leader...my brain quit functioning and The Screamer became a possibility.
Basically, you get pulled way high in the sky...like a million feet...and then you are dropped in a free-falling plunge.
Here's The Princess.
Here she goes...
Her little arms are pumped in the air in complete ecstasy.
Here's her mom.
The King is trying to encourage me.
When I look at this picture, all I can think is "if only".
If only I'd known what I was about to experience.
If only someone had truthfully explained what my body was about to endure.
I've spent over 30 years trying to avoid the feeling given by The Screamer.
The minute that I began plummeting to earth, I realized the mistake that I'd made.
I couldn't scream.
I think I swallowed my tongue for a second.
It was super quick but also incredibly slow.
It is the reason that I don't do roller coasters.
The reason that I'm terrified of airplanes.
The reason that my legs turn to jello when looking down a stairwell over 2 stories tall.
I don't like adrenaline.
I will never, never, never, NO NOT EVER be experiencing The Screamer again.
Ever.
Am I clear?
The King was understandably scared to try The Screamer after my HORRIFIC experience.
Hot shot.