The Queen B

Catching Up

1.  This is the creepiest Halloween costume I've ever seen.

 

2.  The Princess and I went to Riverdance with Beachy Mimi yesterday.  I mean no disrespect to Irish dancers, but I am concerned that they will suffer some long-term knee joint issues.  I was not aware that knees were made to move in so many different directions. 

Another concern that I have after attending the Riverdance performance is the combination of shoes & socks that my mother is choosing.

 

I do believe that is a hiking sock with her sassy boot.

Please let her know that we, as a group, do not approve.

3.  The King is traveling for work.  He had a really long drive yesterday.  Like, 28 hours.  

At 3 a.m. I received a text that included this picture...

 

I replied to ask if that was his current location.

He confirmed that it was, in fact, his current location.

I then asked if it was open at 3 a.m.

He informed me that it was nature, and nature doesn't close.

Here's The King at Niagara Falls at 3 a.m.

 

So, in case you ever find yourself in the area at 3 a.m. and are wondering if Niagara Falls is open...it is.

4.  I need your opinion on chiropractors.  I know that it is often controversial.  I've never been to one, but think that my spine needs adjusting.  Thoughts?

Why Does It Still Surprise Me?

So The Palace sat down for a snack yesterday.

The ice cream with the 3 flavors?  

You know the name.

Well.

The King managed to mangle it.

You ready for this?

"I haven't had any of this METROPOLITAN kind in a while."

He did.

He said it.

Because It's Monday

I cannot believe I'm stooping so low.

However.

One of The King's friends sent this to him last week.

It seems our local Mickey D's had a rogue employee.

The King Needs Some Internet

So I've learned how to negotiate with The King.

Take away his internet.

He really, really loves the internet.

He loves it so much, in fact, that he's willing to do this...

That's The King and some other crazy dude up there in that bucket.

The King hired a bucket truck to see if could see some internet tower thingy over there somewhere.

If he could see it, he was assured that we could receive the internet signals that magically float through the air.

Well.

He could see it.

WHEN HE WAS FORTY FEET IN THE AIR.

Which means we'll have a FORTY FOOT TOWER IN OUR YARD.

Was I clear?

THERE IS GOING TO BE A TOWER IN MY YARD THAT STANDS FORTY FEET IN THE AIR.

Sidebar:  There is not any modern convenience for which I would willingly place myself in this situation...

Do you see what The King is doing?

He is leaning over the edge of the bucket while dropping a tape measure to the ground.  

This is the handy way in which he measured how tall our new yard ornament will need to stand.

Won't it be lovely?

My friend, Shelley, suggested we try this.

Kinglish

(If ever I wished I knew how to do a video/audio post thingy, it is now.)

The King has made several trips to Guatemala this year.  He had no prior Spanish speaking experience.

However, in an amazing turn of events, The King has become an expert in multilingual communication.

Yep.  Multi.

He didn't even use Rosetta Stone or Muzzy or anything.  In fact, it is as if this language came to him overnight.

Y'all, The King has created his own language.  

Being efficient, he uses this language to communicate with all nationalities.

Red, yellow, black or white.  

I think this is the content:

67% English

16% Spanish inflection

7% British inflection

3%  Irish inflection

3% Rain Man inflection

3% Balki inflection

1% The Godfather inflection

It seems to work better for him if he speaks this language REALLY LOUD AND REALLY FAST.

If you stare at him with odd confusion, he is so helpful.  He increases the volume to help you better understand.

And how cool is it that he finds opportunities to use this language ALL THE TIME?

Before he became fluent, I really do think that the employees of Taco Bueno struggled to understand him.  I'm certain they appreciate his recent efforts. 

He has even had the opportunity to speak Kinglish on the phone.  The Apple help desk fella surely felt an immediate connection.

We are frequent customers to one of our local Mexican restaurants.  Don't you know that they are so grateful to hear, "Hola" and "Gracias" every time they come to our table?

I know that I LOVE hearing that oh-so-endearing "Hola, Senorita" every time I answer the phone.

The King rocks.  

(Kinglish translation:  El King rocks.)

The Flying, The Flu, The Earthquakes...Oh My!

The King is leaving on a jet plane today.

He's headed back to Guatemala.  

He's traveling with Jason and another friend, Tim. Their goal is to finish much of the construction of Jason & Lacey's home.

The King's goal is to spend a little time with La Princesa!  

We are hoping that he will be able to get some good information on exactly what is going on with our adoption.

I am so excited to see some new pictures of her.  

We asked what her favorite color is and she was quick to tell us "Light pink...not dark pink.  Light pink."  Needless to say, The Princess and I have sent The King with plenty of light pink.

I'm just sayin'.

Please pray for his safety.  Even though our trip went smoothly last month, it is still a dangerous country.  

This flu business is in the back of my mind.  As are the multiple quakes that Casa has felt over the past few weeks.

However, this trip is different for me than the last.  I still have fears that are wanting to creep into my mind, but this time I have peace.  

True peace.

The peace that passes understanding.

I know that God is blessing him with the opportunity to spend some time with La Princesa.

I'd also ask for you to pray for his expectations.  Our last trip was incredible.  I know that every trip can't be that life-changing.  I want him to experience that same joy, though.  

Thank you for praying.  

(I know that you've already started.)

A Stinky Adventure *Updated*

Sorry about the whole self-imposed blog ban thing last week.

I'm over it.

***

The King had to make an emergency flight to Milwaukee on Saturday.  He found out he had to go at 9 a.m. and was in the air by noon.  

We don't normally roll like that.

And that is a good thing.

***

I need some house building advice, but I'll give you the details in a minute.  

A few months ago, The King called me from a restaurant supply store in another town.  

He was so proud to tell me that he'd bought me a range.

Now.

The kitchen is the one room that I am absolutely sure about.

(And by "absolutely sure", I mean that I sorta kinda know what I want.)

I love to cook, and I had planned my entire kitchen around a range with a commercial feel.

I knew that they were really expensive, but I was prepared to search for a great deal.

However.  I wasn't necessarily prepared for The King becoming my personal shopper.

He'd dropped in this store (its name is pretty close to Jimmy Joe's Kitchen Shop) and saw one he liked and bought it.

It cost about the same as a regular range at Lowe's.

I had some reservations BECAUSE I HADN'T SEEN IT.

But I was cool and grateful and only asked him what in the world he was thinking twice.

Or 15 times.

I can't recall the exact number.

Fast forward to Friday.

The King picked it up and brought it to our town on a trailer.

He locked it up at the farm but said we'd need to cover it because it didn't have any protective wrapping and wasn't boxed or anything.

And then he had the emergency flight to Milwaukee.

So my mom and I took several rolls of saran wrap and headed to the farm late Saturday afternoon.

I knew that it was locked in one of the buildings.  

It happened to be in the one building that I'd never entered.

The one without electricity.

Or a floor.

Mom and I opened the door and were immediately attacked by a dangerous pterodactyl.

The gigantic bird came right for my head and tried to kill me.

It seems that the pterodactyl has a nest above the door.

Whatever.

After we recovered, we tiptoed to the range.

Don't tell The King, but he did a really great job. It is just perfect.

He even had red knobs added so that it kind of looks like this Wolf range...

One point for The King.

Mom and I began wrapping the range from the bottom.  As my eyes adjusted to my surroundings, I focused on something that caused me to scream.

Mom immediately yelled, "Is it a snake?"

It wasn't a snake.

Though I'm certain they were all around.

There were two little bony hands sticking out from under the range.

Remember when the bad witch was smashed by the house on The Wizard of Oz?

Exactly what we were seeing.

Only it was A SKUNK SMASHED  BY MY BEAUTIFUL APPLIANCE.

There were tufts of black & white hair sticking out.

And the smell?

No words, my friends.  No words.

We had to bend down right beside it.  

Around and around and around we wrapped.

Every time we wrapped the bottom?

Face to face with the skunk carcass.

Once, my foot bumped one of the larger tufts of hair and the dust of death blew out.

I wish I were kidding or exaggerating.

And so does The King.

Because that one point that he gained for buying me a rockin' range has been negated by the 37,000 points that he lost for setting it on a skunk.

Mom's entire day was ruined. She was nauseous for the next 6 hours.

My entire day was ruined.  I had to listen to mom complain about being nauseous for the next 6 hours.

And the skunk smell is still in my nose.

Ok.  If you're still reading (which is honestly pretty doubtful) I need advice.

I have to pick a dishwasher and a refrigerator.

There are 9 million options and that gives me the shakes.

I'd like stainless with the freezer on the bottom.

The Princess wants me to tell you that she'd like shaved ice.

I'd like a quiet dishwasher. 

Oh, and I can't spend a fortune.

Any suggestions?

*Update* 

I should have explained how the range ended up on the skunk.  The King didn't make it to the farm until it was already dark on Friday night.  No electricity.  Lights from car didn't shine far into the building.  He and his dad carried it inside and set it down without being able to see what was below them.  I'm certain the skunk already dead.  Bless its nasty little heart.

All In Favor Of A King Cam Say Aye

Nothing makes me want to post more than a good let's-all-make-fun-of-The-King kind of story.

So we are moving to a farm.  

We don't have farm animals (oh my word...I almost typed the word "yet") but The Gentleman still occasionally sticks some of his cows in the corral that is temporarily on our property. 

A new calf was a bit under the weather, so The Gentleman had placed it and its mama in the corral.  

(The King lacks farm cred.)

(It is about to become obvious.)

There was an extra cow wandering around our property, and it could have gotten in the road.  The King thought he might shoo it in the corral.

Which, truly, I'd have paid big money to see.

Somehow, he managed to actually get the rogue cow in there.  But it doing so, he got a little close to the calf.

Mama charged him.

Came running.

Full speed at The King.

Which, truly, I'd have paid big money to see.

Thankfully, The King is still pretty fast on his feet, and he climbed the fence and threw himself to the other side in what I'm pretty sure was record speed.

I get a little teary when I think of the joy that could have been shared if I'd been there with a camera.

Opportunity missed, my friends.

The best part of this story may be The Gentleman's response when The King told him what happened...

"If human mamas took care of their babies like cow mamas, the world would just be better."   

Amen.

This edition of Laughing With (Not At) The King, reminds me of the funniest thing that I never told you.

In Antigua, all 35 of us walked around together in a group.

In matching t-shirts.  

(Did someone say try to blend in?)

We'd been walking for an hour or so when The King piped up, "How do we keep ending up on this same street?"

Seriously.

*Disclaimer:  The King is fully aware that any of his actions, statements and/or questions are potential blog fodder.  It is his responsibility to declare something off the record.  

That Poor King

A few minutes after The King said his good-byes to us and had gotten in his Jeep to leave for work, he burst back through the front door looking a bit panicked.

Of course, I couldn't get an answer to what was going on since he was talking on his Crackberry.

After he stormed all through the house, he moved the Crackberry from his mouth and whispered these words to me...

"Have you seen my phone?"

And, in what may very well be one of my most joy-filled moments ever, I was able to respond...  

"YOU'RE ON IT".

Everything Old Is New Again

I really don't have anything new or interesting to share.

Not that old or boring has ever held me back.

I think I'll just catch you up on some previously discussed (doesn't that sound better than old?) items. 

A.  Yesterday's comments about my beverage dilemma proves to me that y'all are a heck of a lot healthier than I am.  

This is my take away:

Water is water no matter what is squeezed into it.

Fresca is a potential option.

Does a little juice added to water not taste like watered down juice?

Drinking less is much better than drinking none.

I really, really like Diet Mountain Dew.

There will be no Diet Mountain Dew in Guatemala.

I'll keep you posted on my progress.

B.  The Science Fair project is due a week from today.  Assuming that I haven't run away, it will be one of the greatest days of my life.

C.  The Guatemala trip is becoming a bit more real.  We are planning our fundraisers.  The passports should be here any day.

We have to get the shots.

That's all I am saying about that today.

D.  We looked at land for TWELVE hours this past weekend.  The majority of those TWELVE hours consisted of me going, "Oh NO.  You are NOT moving me there. I cannot under any circumstances live THERE."

And The King going, "It's not that bad.  It's just rural.  I mean, we do live in Arkansas".

I'm all about living in the rural.  I look forward to the rural.

But 10 chickens sitting on an upside down rusted car that has a toilet propped up against it does not qualify.

I soon came to the conclusion that: if I like it, I can't afford it; if I love it, it is not available; If it is available, it is really close to chicken houses.

I'm totally not stressing, though.  I know that God has the perfect place for us.

E.  I am listening to The King quiz The Princess for her Latin test.  He is trying to ask her the meaning of the Latin word "mater".  It is pronounced kind of like we would say the brand Mattel.  But with an R instead of an L. 

Only The King just asked her the meaning of "mater" pronounced like the truck on the movie, Cars.

Maybe we do belong in the rural.