I want to share about our day trip with La P, but first I'm going to continue with my thoughts from the last post.
This trip to Guatemala felt different for us. The other trips have been amazing and wonderful and have revealed many things that I'm grateful to have learned. The same can be said for this one, but in different ways.
This trip caused me to look beyond me. To look beyond what is a little bit uncomfortable and come face to face with what's really uncomfortable.
I'm left knowing that there has to be more to life than striving to get to an imaginary point of success.
There has to be more than giving out of obligation.
There has to be more than standing on the sidelines and wondering what it would be like to play.
I feel as if we are moving in a direction, but the map has been blacked out. We can only see a few miles in front of us.
The King describes it as using a head lamp when the stadium lighting is not working.
Here's all that I know for sure...
2 years ago, I was begging God to give me a stomach virus so that I wouldn't have to go to Guatemala for a week.
And since then...I've been back twice. The King's been back 10 times. God has given me a sweet child who may never really be mine. My husband has survived brain trauma and surgery. We're in the midst of some financial situations that would have (2 years ago) sent me into permanent fetal position. Our future is pretty much completely unknown.
But I have a peace that I've never had before.
Not in spite of all of those things, but because of all of those things.
I've seen how God prepared me for things that I could never have seen coming. He used each situation (which I'd think surely HAD to be the end) to stretch me and grow me and place me in circumstances that I never would have thought I'd be capable of enduring.
And then here we'd go again.
Only now I'm not sure where we are going. Because, unlike the times before, I don't feel the same need to fight. I don't have a particular destination that I'm trying to reach.
Plan A no longer appeals to me.
So you can sense that I'm confused, I'm guessing.
And I'm not sure why I'm sharing it with the internet.
Any wise words or experiences that you have about finding direction?
Or anything else?
Like a new snack. Or great jeans. Or something else to distract me from reality...?
(And if you are wondering if there was any point to this rambling, the answer is no.)