In A Rut

I'm just writing the thoughts in my head.  

Today's topic...disappointments.

That seems to be an overwhelming emotion that I hear from people lately.  

Myself included.

There is always something that could have/should have/we wish would have gone differently.  

Sometimes the circumstances are of our own making.  But it seems like most often we are at the mercy of the consequences of other people's decisions.  

Either way, disappointment stinks.

I've been thinking a lot about why we experience disappointment...

Do we set ourselves up by having expectations that are too high?

Do we put too much responsibility on other people who never asked to be in that position?

Do we fail to look at the entire situation?

Do we fail to look at the intent of others and instead worry only about how we feel we were treated?

Do we pile our baggage on a situation and overly complicate things?

(I can answer yes to all the above.)

Disappointment is a part of life.  We know that.  We sort of expect it.  But we are nonetheless unprepared for it when it arrives.

Looking back, most of the disappointments that have stuck with me have opened the door for opportunities that otherwise would not have happened.  

They have shaped who I have become.

They have allowed me to understand someone or something in a way that I hadn't before.

But only when I have cooperated.  

I have also experienced bitterness.  I have isolated myself.  I have chosen to remain in a place of hurt and pain.  I've been stuck in that revolving door of blame and self pity.

And I was miserable.  Those around me weren't so happy, either.

So what determines how we handle disappointment?

I could give a sweet answer and say our faith or our attitude.  And I think both are totally important and essential to getting to the other side of the disappointment.

But I also think there is an uncomfortable answer that is at the root of most of my disappointment.

My insecurity.

I'd really rather not think about that.  

But it has been on my mind today.  

How I perceive myself is directly related to how I perceive the given situation.

Was I overlooked?  Probably because they don't like me.

Was I treated unfairly?  That's about what I deserve.

Did things just not go my way?  They never really do.

Ever been invited to that pity party?

The King has a healthy dose of self confidence.  Some might see it as arrogance, but I know his heart.  He has a very clear understanding of his place in this world.  He doesn't place himself above others, but he doesn't place himself below them, either.

He evaluates a situation and looks for the truth.  If he's at fault, he deals with it and moves forward.  If he's been hurt, he deals with it and moves forward.

I tend to camp there.  

And maybe send out change of address cards.

Recently, someone brought up a situation that was hurtful from my past.  I struggled with my response.

I thought that I'd moved past it.

I know the truth.

But I began to set up my tent again.

The King quickly reminded me that I'd moved from that place.

I quickly reminded him that I had grown to like my tent and I sort of missed it and it was probably where I belonged.

Why is the familiarity of our disappointment so comfortable?

Why does moving on seem like the more treacherous path?

It takes a lot of effort and desire to get to the other side of heartbreak.

And a lot of self reflection.

I think the possibility of seeing something in ourselves that we don't like is terrifying.  So it is easier to never look.

(How's this for a holiday post?)

Can we just blame Eve?  Doesn't this seem to be a girl thing?

I want to set a healthy example in this area for my daughter.

If only I could teach her to see herself as God sees her.  How to see her value.  How to see her worth.  I don't want to spare her from the disappointments of life, but I do want to spare her from the additional pain we often heap on ourselves.  

Realistically, I know the example I have set for her is the opposite of that.  She has seen my doubt and insecurity.  

She has seen me succumb to self pity.

She needs to see me...  See myself as God sees me.  See my value.  See my worth.

She needs to see me face disappointments in life, but then see me bounce from them.  

She needs to see me do a little self reflection.  And then see me deal with whatever ugliness I find.  

Do you struggle in this area?  Conquered it?  Just wanna think about sleigh bells and candy canes...?

Comments

[jean]

I'm so glad you talked about Eve. From where I stand this is something that women excel at doing. I know I'm great at it. Which is so wrong. Men seem to be better at moving on while women tend to pick about each and every detail. I struggle with it daily. I don't yet have any answers or a cure but I keep trying.

[Your mother]

I think because of our background, we were taught to see God as a punisher with a "gotcha" attitude.
You know that isn't His way. I will pray specifically with you for trust and letting go. Just get on your big girl britches and tell Satan you will not be bound by negativity of other people or their opinions.

[RLR]

I'm dealing with a big case of "fail[ing] to look at the intent of others and instead worry[ing] only about how [I] feel [I was] treated" right now. I was so annoyed and hurt over the weekend that I just wanted to skip Christmas - and honestly, I sort of still do, but I know it's coming anyway. Lovely, right?
I needed this post. And I need to re-read it (a few times).
Thanks, B. As much as I want to wallow in my frustration and disappointment, I needed this reminder to face what's (who's) bugging me and bounce back so I can enjoy the season.

[d]

I had to write-something I rarely ever do on any blog but your post has been on my mind all day. As soon as I read it this morning I was shouting (in my head, I didn't want to scare the children),"Yes, I struggle in this area...at this very moment.". Sadly, lately I've been trying to just think about sleigh bells and candy canes and trying to ignore the dreaded feelings you've described.
I know what needs to be done to move on but I'd rather have an instant/quick fix. Thanks for sharing, its been a big encouragement to me.

[Sue Barnes]

I have been there... and many times I set up my tent right next to yours.... But one thing that I've discovered is that on the journey called life... we're hiking along this trail... that's sometimes blocked & criss-crossed with disappointment & resentment & self-pity.... I also know that God has a very special lesson for each of us when we come upon these blocks in our trail... and as we work through it, we're able to clear the path & move forward & move on... sometimes, we get lost & get off the trail and end up circling back around to that same place - that same camp... God again shows us the lesson we're to learn (He's very patient & willing to show us again & again what we need to know to come to Him in that situation)... anyhow that path/trail?... it's still there... it may have grown up a little & we may have to cut down those nasty weeds of disappointment, self-pity, resentment, etc... but it won't be so hard this time, because we've been here before.... And you know what? We might have to revisit this path again & again... and you might have to clear it again & again... because you didn't hear or 'get' the lesson God had for you... but if you are faithful to continue down that path & continue to move forward... HE is faithful to help you grow & move on and conquer all of those weeds that block your way...

[Tina]

I think this resonates with most women and I agree He definitely made us different. I am struggling with work at the moment, over analysing everything that is said and my own abilities and worringly it is affecting my ability to leave it at the door when I come home. I am sure that The King is doing with you exactly what my Hubby does with me and reasons with us to think things through once, change what we can for the better and leave everything else by the wayside. Now I just have to learn how to do that.....