Thanks so much for your sweet encouragement after my last post. I was having a teeny identity crisis but it is possibly over for now.
I think, for me, it just comes down to sharing what I feel...being ever mindful of Who I represent...and leaving it at that. Some days are funny and some days are tough. Some days I may regret what I shared and some days I may regret what I didn't.
Thank you for helping me process all that.
I need to catch you up on a few things and wrap up a few others.
For today, let's start with La P.
We received this picture of her over the summer. She is growing up so fast!
I cannot believe it, but it has been over a year since I've seen her live and in person.
That absolutely breaks my heart.
The King was able to go see her last November and again in March. The Princess and I haven't been there since last July.
We are really, really hoping to visit before the end of the year.
As far as her adoption status...we are really farther back than where we were when we started.
When we began this process, we were told it was not a big deal to change her status to "adoptable", that it would be a simple court procedure. Since then, some papers have appeared in her file that make that particular procedure a bit more difficult. Until that can be done, she is unadoptable.
Our only hope to adopt her at this moment--and seriously that could change at any time--is due to her medical situation.
The government is supposedly reviewing all of the orphans with medical needs and reevaluating their status. IF her file comes across the right person's desk and IF they were to change her status to adoptable, then we can begin that process.
Until then, we just wait.
I am so thankful for those IFs though. It gives us something for which we can specifically pray.
It is such a complicated situation.
If you had asked me before we met her and began this journey how I would handle it, I think that my answer would have been that I would be beating down every door between here and there and calling everyone that might be able to do something--ANYTHING--to help. I think I would have thought that I would be unable to sleep or eat or stop until there was resolution.
While there have certainly been moments where I/we have felt and done all those things to some degree, that's not where we are right now.
Please don't misunderstand...I love that child. God has given me this love for her. I want her to be with us. I want her to be home. If there was anything at all that we could do to bring her home, we would do it.
But that's not possible right now. There is nothing that we can do.
I don't know why. But I know Who does. And I can rest in that.
She is in a good place. She is happy. She doesn't know there is a different way to live. We know what she's missing, but she doesn't.
But it makes me sad. I can't even write this without crying.
I miss her. I want her to be healthy. I want her to be happy. I want her to reach the full potential of who God created her to be.
Inside my head, I've been wrestling with coming to terms as to what that might mean.
What if she is never able to come home...Did I misunderstand? Did I fail? Did God let me down?
I don't think I misunderstood the love that we share. Looking back, I know without a doubt that we were brought together. Without question I know that God placed a love for her in our hearts and a love for us in hers.
I do think that maybe I've written the ending to the story that I want...not sure that it is really how it will end. I mean...I'm at an orphanage. There's an orphan that we connect with. She needs help. We can offer her help. We love her. She loves us. So we adopt her and live happily ever after.
Maybe it is some of those things but not all of those things.
I don't think I/we failed. I know that The King especially has left no stone unturned. I can't wait to someday tell her the stories of all he has done in trying to help her. That little girl needs to know that there is a Heavenly Father that loves her and would move mountains for her and that there is an earthly father who has and would do the same.
I know that God has not let us down. He has opened a place in our hearts to a love that we didn't think we'd ever experience. As a family, we have grown and changed. Personally, I've conquered fears and considered things I never thought possible.
I do not know how this will end. I do not know if we will ever have La P in our home. I do not know if we will be protected from heartbreak.
But I know that we can trust Him to be with us through it all. And that it will be ok.
Thank you so much for continuing to ask about her. Sometimes I want to talk about her and sometimes I just can't. It truly thrills me to know that you still pray for her.
Please continue to pray for her and for all of the precious kids that will someday be placed with a family. And please pray a special blessing upon those kids, who, for whatever reason, will never be placed with a family of their own.