As I was resting on the couch in the wee hours of Thursday morning, I had some serious prayer time. I spent a lot of time preparing my mind & heart for whichever surgery we would be facing.
I knew that The King would never truly be satisfied living life restricted. He is, if you haven't picked up on this, an adrenaline junkie. He loves everything maxed out, on the edge & pushing the limits. Though the parasite would supposedly be the better of the two diagnosis, I just couldn't get comfortable with it.
God made The King to live his life to its fullest. He wired him with the desire to get the most out of every experience. I know that God can do anything He wants to do and it would be for the best, but in my heart...I just didn't think that was what we were facing.
Ultimately, though, I prayed that His will would be done. Whether the parasite or the cyst, we would be confident that God was in control.
There was another part of my little talk with God that was more difficult.
A bit of history...Years ago, after The King and I had suffered a few miscarriages and were pregnant with The Princess, we willingly told God that though we would be thrilled and overjoyed to raise The Princess, we knew that she was His. Those were not words uttered lightly or without serious consideration.
The night before surgery, I felt a similar emotion. I told God that being The King's wife is the greatest honor He could ever have afforded me upon this earth. When we married, we completely became one. He is truly my other half. But...and this is where it gets tough...my love for and trust in God is greater than my love for and trust in The King. If God would receive more glory for The King's death, then I would trust that He knew more than I knew.
I can barely type those words now.
But I meant it. And I felt such complete peace.
However, I knew that if God would receive more glory by The King living, then I would not ever stand in the way of what He had planned for him.
Does that make sense?
Y'all know I've had my fears. And worries. And fears. This past year, God has shown me that He is bigger than anything my mind could come up with. He's shown me that if I will put my trust in Him, the blessing is so much greater than ANYTHING I could imagine.
If God saw fit to allow The King to survive not only this crazy tumor/parasite, but this surgery? I knew...I KNOW...He has some amazing plans for The King's life. I want to be The King's biggest supporter. His greatest cheerleader. His best friend. I want to be with him every step of the way. No matter what that might look like or where those steps might take us.
One of the greatest lessons that I learned through this...most especially on this night before surgery...was that if I believe that God is in the middle of the good, then I have to believe He is also in the middle of the bad.
You can't pick and choose when He is Lord of your life. He is or He isn't.
We arrived at the hospital Thursday morning. I went straight to The King's room. His shunt had already been removed. He was preparing to get an MRI and then head to the operating room.
I told him that I had prayed that if it were the parasite, we would both be content living life a bit calmer.
I think I said something about the best dang chess players in the universe.
But then I told him that if it were the cyst, we would rejoice. We would know that God intended on him living life full throttle and I would be at his side for every stinking thrill ride he could find.
He told me he'd prayed the same thing and come to the same conclusion. We were both totally at peace.
I saw Dr. Krisht walking down the hall and he smiled and said they were ready to get the show on the road.
Only I don't think that's how he said it at all. That was just my interpretation.
I gave The King a kiss and told him I'd see him soon.
The nurse told me she'd come tell me as soon as she knew which procedure they'd be doing.
After about 30 minutes or so, she came out and knelt before me and told me that it was the cyst and they were prepping for a full craniotomy. She had tears in her eyes. I was thinking Woo Hoo!! Bring it on!! I knew that God was confirming to me that The King was not only going to live, but he was going to live big.
To be continued...