1. I am going to be moving in less than 2 weeks.
2. I have not packed a single thing.
3. Do I really need any more reasons?
So we went to Sam's Club to get a new television on Monday.
The King is super excited to get a flat screen.
We currently have a tiny little flat screen.
Our other 2 televisions were purchased when I was in the 9th grade.
I wish I were kidding.
Anyway. We went to Sam's.
While at Sam's, I was approached by a mattress selling lady. She actually had a really great sales pitch thing and was so obviously out of her comfort zone that my heart was mildly broken.
We need a new mattress. Ours is 12 years old and has a RATHER DRAMATIC lean to The Side O' The King.
(Consequently, The King does not feel that a new mattress is necessary. He does not roll to the right every single night.)
Where was I?
So the precious, scared lady was trying to sell me a mattress.
I decided it was a good time to buy and I thought she could use a little boost.
She encouraged me to lie (lay?) on the sample mattress.
I pulled out the sample mattress and OH MY WORD AT THE NASTINESS.
I plead with you to never, never, never pull out the sample mattress at Sam's.
I would encourage Sam's to consider providing some sort of disposable covering type thing on the sample mattress.
All of that is not my point, though.
My point is that the mattress lady was offering a $50 gift card with the Labor Day purchase of the mattress.
So I went to the service desk to tell them that I wanted a mattress.
The Girl In An Important Vest said, "We don't have any."
I said, "But there's a big huge mattress selling display thing happening in the middle of the store."
She said, "We'll have to get some ordered. I show that we are out of the mattresses."
I said, "Well can I get my $50 gift card if it is ordered?"
She said, "No."
I said, "But can I have a raincheck type thing?"
She said, "No."
I said, "Why are you telling customers that they can have a gift card with the purchase of a mattress when there are no mattresses to be purchased?"
She said, "I can't sell you what I don't have."
Let's review, shall we?
I didn't just come up with the idea that a gift card would be a lovely token of Sam's gratitude for my purchase...the mattress lady approached me. And offered a gift card. With the purchase of a mattress. On that day.
So The King decided to visit with the manager.
I decided to take that opportunity to go pay for the flat screen.
We had the tv in the basket along with a ticket with its listed price.
However.
We were charged $200 more than the listed price.
I took that piece of info to The King, who was still waiting on the manager.
I decided to take that opportunity to go get a hot dog.
The Princess and I ordered 3 hot dog combos.
The sweet Sam's hot dog lady gave me 2 hot dogs and 3 cups. The Princess took our cups to fill and I waited on the 3rd hot dog.
The sweet Sam's hot dog lady (heretofore known as SSHDL) turned to her not quite as sweet Sam's hot dog ladies and asked one of them to please put some new hot dogs in the cooker.
The not quite as sweet Sam's hot dog lady (heretofore known as NQASSHDL) said she was too busy.
Might I add that I'm loving the irony of that nickname.
SSHDL kindly said that it would be great if NQASSHDL could get to those hot dogs rather quickly since a customer was waiting.
I moved to the side and SSHDL began helping the line of customers.
I waited about 8 minutes, then reminded SSHDL that I still needed that hot dog.
(It must be noted that The King is still speaking with the manager during this time.)
SSHDL asked NQASSHDL if she could get to those hot dogs.
NQASSHDL said she would.
But, sadly, she did not.
(It must be noted that I am not in too much of a hurry because, as mentioned, The King is still hanging with the manager.)
SSHDL waited on a few more customers.
Finally, in what can only be described as a Seriously Well-Deserved Labor Day Melt Down, SSHDL turned to the entire staff of NQASSHDLs and screamed, "WILL SOMEBODY GET ME A STINKIN' HOT DOG?!"
The Princess and I burst into fits of uncontrollable and inappropriate laughter.
A few minutes later, we received our 3rd hot dog.
I stuffed the hot dogs in my purse and made my way to The King.
Who, by this time, had sweet talked his way into the $200 off of the tv, a mattress that will arrive next week AND a gift card, an upgraded membership and a $100 travel voucher.
I feel certain that I had a point to all of this. I just don't recall what that was.
Something to do with my not blogging.
(Which I deeply regret.)
(And plan to resume as soon as possible.)
