I Am A Phenomenon

This is not something I blog about frivolously.

What I'm about to tell you began as a theory.  It has since been proven and confirmed time and time again.

Are you ready?

I am a weather phenomenon.

Remember El Nino?  

Dictionary.com defines El Nino as...

a warm ocean current of variable intensity that develops after late December along the coast of Ecuador and Peru and sometimes causes catastrophic weather conditions.

All I'm saying is that you are currently reading a post from El Queen B-o.  (Not to be confused with El Queen B.O.  That is not me.)

Let me explain this strange situation.

Growing up, my mom and I would relentlessly tease my dad about his love of winter weather.  He would study the forecast and countdown to the arrival of the wintry precipitation.  

But there was a problem.

The winter weather would never arrive.

The town might have had record breaking snowfall for the past 10 years, but when we became residents...zip.  No snow.

This happened in multiple locations over many years.

I grew up, moved away from home and looked forward to lots of snow.

After a few years, my dad moved to our town.  Though I was happy about his relocation, I began grieving the loss of my snow days.

But then I really began thinking about my snow days. 

There had not been any.

I reflected upon the vacations that The King and I had taken to snowy destinations.

It never snowed.

I came to the conclusion that I am now sharing:  It is me.  

It has always been me.

I am not even exaggerating when I tell you that this winter alone, there have been at least 3 occasions where the impending snow event literally split just before our town and went north and south of us.

We've seen more than one radar where our town is an empty hole surrounded on all sides by snow.

A few weeks ago, the weatherman actually said, "It is as if the snow magically disappeared as it approached Northwest Arkansas".

It did.  It magically disappeared.

We live in the mountains.  It should snow here before it snows anywhere else in our state.

We are in the NORTHWEST CORNER, for Pete's sake.

Earlier this week, the snow - again - went south. 

It is meteorologically improbable for the snow to go south 3 times in one winter.

I think I have finally figured out what caused this madness.

My dad really wanted me to get my degree in meteorology.  

Like, kind of freakishly really wanted me to get my degree in meteorology.

He planned on it for years.  Long before the appropriate time to be planning your child's education, Dad was mapping my career path.

He bought me textbooks and sent for applications to schools that offered the degree.  He studied the weather girls and gave me lists of their pros and cons.

He desperately wanted me to have big hair, shoulder pads and a dress with a peplum.

I opted out.

If only I could have known the price my family and I would pay.

I offended The Weather.

Perhaps I should offer myself as a weather tool.  Imagine the impact I might have on areas with blizzard conditions.  

Maybe I am closely related to Punxsutawney Phil...I could be used for weather forecasting.

Or maybe I should just go back to school for my stinking meteorology degree. 

I guess I could write a local almanac to let the people know that it is going to be a dry winter.  

I apologize to any of you that live in this region and enjoy the snow.  Unless I move, you might as well kiss it goodbye.

Comments

[Vicky]

The true test will be whether or not it snows in Northwest Arkansas while you're in Guatemala :)

[Mama Bear]

Ok, what on earth is peplum????

[Tonggu Momma]

Well... considering you have bromidrosiphobia, no one would think for a second that you are the Queen of B.O. instead of the Queen of b-o. And Punxsutawney Phil is one of my favorite creatures anyway.

[Capri Kel]

LOL to what Vicky said!

Maybe you can come to Michigan this week. We are expecting snow EVERY DAY except one. We could use a phenomena like you around here.

[misty]

ok... well I have a solution. MOVE NEAR ME. seriously. I am done with snow. after horrendous winters in Michigan and New York (7 of them) we moved home to Idaho- land of the mild winter. Well, this is our second one back and they are ABNORMALLY Snowy and cold. It followed us.
people are angry.

[Jennifer]

Too funny!

I'm glad I don't live near you, I love the snow! Ha!

Smiles,
Jen

[rrmama]

I find all of this so funny! Being I live in SE TX we never have snow and you know we got 4-6 inches Dec. 11. Also my mother in law is a very loyal weather channel watcher. She will call us in the morning if it's raining and tell us to watch out for ponding!

[Erin K.]

Can you come to northern Indiana? TODAY? RIGHT NOW? It is a winter wonderland, and we are supposed to get hammered tonight, so your presence would be very much appreciated.

Also, being El Queen B-o is much better than being El Queen Beano.

And another also, my boss used to be a meteorologist. Ok, I guess she still is, because she still has the degree. But she used to be on the news and what-not, forecasting the weather. Maybe your dad would like to adopt her? Or, since she is no longer using her degree, maybe she could loan it to you for a while. Just a thought.

[Debra]

I'm just wondering how you got out of being a meteorologist? Did you let you dad down easy?

[Jen]

I can relate. I am a human barometer. I can always tell when it's going to rain (or snow) or there is a general cold front coming. I get a headache.
This has been the case since I lived in Cincinnati in my college years. The only place it didn't happen was California.
And for what it's worth -- the memory of snow days that never really were is actually better than the mountains of stuff that result in the slushy, grey, muddy, nasty wet horribleness that results after a few feet. Sometimes there are parking lots with huge mountains of snow -- in May and June! -- in northern Ohio. And northern Indiana, a place I wish never to live again. Talk about the frozen north. Jeesh!

[just another day in paradise]

Just let me know before you go out of town. I need to know what the weather around here is going to do!

[Kelly Krause]

Followed the link from the Patriot Mom blog to here. Love your writing. You are amusing to say the least.:) I'm glad I found you so I can track you better while you get ready for your trip. I WILL be PRAYING for you, for more reasons than one. Thanks for sharing.

[Lawanda]

"I offended the Weather."

bwahahahahahahaha

Oh Dear. Still wiping tears away.

[Jen@OurDailyBigTop]

I think you should move to where I live. I like snow but not that much. I think you'd do a fantastic job over our meteorologists. They never get the forecast right. My husband thinks we live in a black hole. During our drought last summer, it rained everywhere but our neighborhood.

[Tammy]

Googled peplum.... not for me. Appears itchy.

Seems as though you may have to perform some sort of sacrificial gesture to get back in good graces of the Weather. It might even involve a ShamWow?!

[Beachy Mimi/Queen Mother]

Hahahahateehhheeee Do you still have the meterologist textbook he gave you one Christmas? It could be something to do with our DNA...I'm not getting any snow, either.

[Jeni]

Happy Birthday, B! Did you think you would get away with not telling us?? :-) Hope you have a great birthday weekend!

[Janel]

Happy Birthday!

[Dana Jones]

I am glad you are there. It kind of helps me think the cabin is bearing through the lonely winter without me just fine.

Our family seemed to be plagued with rain on family camping trips, so much that my uncle offered to feed our family of six for free if we would just camp out in his garden in the middle of summer.

I mean torrential rains followed us wherever we went.

[Darcie]

There are certainly worse phenomenons.

The pied piper, for instance? Worse.

Seeing dead people? Yeah, no thanks.

Did you ever see that Drew Barrymore Firestarter movie? Now there's a phenomenon I would want no part of. Imagine what could happen in the nail salon if someone rubbed you the wrong way. Momentary loss of control. All those fumes. Poof.

Comparatively snow repellent isn't looking so bad is it?!

Happy Birthday by the way. You share the day with my mom. :)

[Tonggu Momma]

Tag! You're it!

[Capri Kel]

Happy Birthday, tried to slip that one by us, didn't ya?

[Audrey]

I am laughing so hard. It truly does seem that sometimes we have way more control over situations than we should.

I went to the middle east 2 years ago. There was war.

I went 2 weeks ago, again there was war, the first war since well the last time I was there.

My friends have been relentlessly teasing me that I bring war to the middle east LOL.

[WooPigSuzy]

I can't say that I repel snow, per say. I can say that places that typically have miserable weather or unfortunate weather somehow get nice weather if I go. For instance, when I went to Seattle, they only had one afternoon sprinkle in the week I was there. When I went to Montgomery Co. for the all terrier specialty they have there(which ALWAYS has dreadful weather whether it is snow or torrential rain), the weather cleared up and was BEAUTIFUL. In the days before I arrived it rained and rained and rained. And when I went to New York, it warmed up to just long sleeve shirt weather in FEBRUARY. That was my husband's fault - he gave me the thumbs up to adopt from China while I was there, and I'm sure I gave off enough radiant energy to warm the entire state of New York.

[Lindsay]

LOL! Stay away from where I live ;-) I like to get at least one good snow a year! Happy Birthday!!