The Queen B

Pathetic Plea for Assistance

I am making another attempt at digital scrapbooking.

Because I thrive on frustration.

Anyway, if any of you feel especially charitable, would you leave a comment (or email me) a good place to start?

Bless you.

The Spring Break Grand Finale, As It Were

I think The Princess' comment about our final day of spring break pretty much summed it up...

"Typical."

The guilt of having done nothing away from home for the entire spring break had gotten to me by Friday. The King decided he could take the day off and we could do a little somethin'.

We decided to make a day trip to Mt. Magazine, an Arkansas State Park.

Mt. Magazine is the highest point in Arkansas. It is beautiful. The King and I grew up not too far from there. They recently added a new lodge and visitors' center. We hadn't seen it, so we thought we'd check it out.

This is the view on most days.

This is what we found as we began our ascent up the mountain.

Which quickly turned into this.

MmmHmm.

The Princess participated in a nature craft class.

The King, you know, took the day off. With his Crackberry.

There was a scavenger hunt for nature facts inside the visitors' center. This scavenger hunt included samples of various animal "scat".

This would be dictionary.com's definition of scat...

scat -/skæt/ –noun
the excrement of an animal.

Nice.

The King asked if maybe I'd want to camp on the mountain sometime.

I thought maybe he meant stay at the lodge.

He didn't.

He meant on the mountain.

I tried to explain that a scavenger hunt for nature facts is, like, as close to camping as I'm probably going to get.

He told me that he thought I'd really get into camping if I just tried it.

Seriously. Does he know me? Have these 13 1/2 years of marriage been for naught?

Did he see the scat?

We looked around at the lovely scenery a bit more.

We then made our way to the lodge for a bite to eat.

They sat us at a table by a huge window for the best view.

Except for the fact that our destination was a complete bomb, the day was fun. I love car time with The King. We have great conversations.

The Princess watched Nancy Drew on the way to the mountain and Enchanted on the way back, so we were able to spend a few hours just chatting.

Our conversation was going great until the blue lights.

We were on the interstate, so the policeman came to the passenger window.

Which made me jump like a guilty felon. I fully expected to get pulled from the car spread eagle and frisked.

The policeman said, "Sir. I got you going 82 in a 70."

To which The King says (word for word), "Officer, you won't believe this. I normally drive this road with my cruise set on 78. I tried to bump my cruise control down a few notches when I saw you in the distance. This is my wife's car, and I'm not used to it. Instead of bumping the speed down, I bumped it up."

AND THE OFFICER SAYS, "OK. I'LL JUST GIVE YOU A WARNING."

I mean, I'm glad he just got a warning, but COME ON.

A. He admitted to going 78 in a 70.
B. He admitted to trying to adjust the speed when he saw the cop.
C. He is full of it.

If I had tried that line of reasoning, I'd have been hauled off to the pokey.

I have received 3 tickets in my life. I was 9 months pregnant when I got one and another was on my birthday.

Clearly I can't get out of a ticket.

The King admits to breaking the law and gets a warning?

We'll have to make a return trip to the mountain.

The potential for beauty was all around.

But I'll take a day with my peeps no matter where we are or what the weather.

Weekend Wonderfulness

I feel as if I should begin this weekend's recipe post with a refresher on the cooking of a hot dog. Just in case a certain theater concession manager or two might be reading...

1. Take out of package.
2. Stick in bun.
3. Wrap in paper towel.
4. Cook in microwave for 42 seconds.

Voila. A hot dog.

Thank you for obliging me.

Now. For the recipe.

Spring break has put a serious hurt on my recipe search. So, on the way back from the thing that we did yesterday that I will tell you about on Monday, we stopped off at Nannie's.

Because Nannie knows the yummy.

It was a total score, because Nannie pulled out several cookbooks AND her own personal recipe collection.

Which is incredibly rare.

Like, I don't exactly know where she keeps it.

Because if I did, I would have been pilfering.

Which is maybe why she hides it.

I did ask her if she would put my name on it for the inheriting. I told her that I would hate to have to take down an aunt, cousin or mother for it...but I'll do it if necessary.

I'm pretty sure she rolled her eyes.

She suggested that I post her banana bread recipe.

It is really good. She was asked to make several loaves for her church's Easter breakfast, in fact.

Which was a little difficult since her housekeeper "borrowed" her ripe bananas. Trust me, that is another post for another day.

Nannie's Banana Bread

1 c. sugar
3 over ripe bananas
1 c oil
2 eggs, lightly beaten
1 1/2 c flour
1 t baking soda
1 t baking powder
1/2 c nuts (optional, I'm guessing)
1/2 t cinnamon
1 box instant banana pudding (the small box. she said you could use vanilla if desperate. but i don't think it would make her happy.)
1 t vanilla

Combine all that stuff. Put it in a lightly sprayed loaf pan. Bake at 350 for an hour or until done.

You should maybe pray over your bananas to get them to brown faster so you can make this as soon as possible.

Have a great weekend.

Spring Break Continueth

Yesterday was Spring Break Movie Day. 

The Princess and I planned on going to the 12:30 Horton Hears A Who and having lunch at the theater.

Which costs about the same as our mortgage payment.

We got to the theater at 12:20 and went straight for the concessions. 

I ordered 2 hot dogs, a Diet Coke (me) and an Orange Fanta (her).

(And I know we've already had one hot dog this week.  Two in a week will probably take a combined total of 7 years off of our lives.)

The concession lady said, "Um.  It'll be about 30 minutes for a hot dog."

Excuse me? I can nuke one of those bad boys in about 45 seconds.  30 minutes?

So I said, "What other kind of lunch foods might you have?"

"Um.  I could, um, get you a pizza or chicken strips or mozzarella sticks in about 6 minutes."

Ok.  Now, I'm not an expert in food...oh, wait--yes, I am...and I can't fathom how it could take 6 minutes for those foods and 30 for a stinkin' hot dog.

"Never mind.  We just won't eat."

I know.  A bit dramatic.

So we go in to watch the previews. 

Might I just say that Kung Fu Panda looks really funny...

About 5 minutes into the viewing, The Princess decides that she does, in fact, want the hot dog. 

I was a little nervous to leave her in the theater alone, so I gave her my cell phone and told her to do something with it if she felt she was experiencing an emergency.

I tucked my dramatic tail between my legs and ordered the 2 hot dogs. 

"Um.  It'll be 30 minutes."

Of course.  Because it wouldn't have made any sense to start making the hot dogs when people began asking for them.

Ms. Manager pops her head around the corner and says, "No, I think it will be about 20."

Great.

They had me pre-pay for the hot dogs and I went back to the movie.

And let me just say that never did I expect to live in a world where I would be forced to pre-pay for a hot dog.

28 minutes later, I gave The Princess the cell phone again and "excuse me-d" my way back to the concessions.

"Um.  Your hot dogs aren't done.  They seem to be cooking a little slow today."

Wouldn't you know.

"Ok.  When should I come back?"

"I'd say 5 minutes."

Ms. Manager pops that cute little head back around and says, "Better make it 10."

Like I'm going with her estimate.

"How about I give you 15?"

"Ok."

Back to the movie (which I have not particularly been able to enjoy yet) "excuse me" & "sorry"-ing my way back down the aisle.

In about 5 minutes I noticed some movement to my lower right. 

No. Way.

Mr. Manager (not sure where he came from) is waving his hands OVER HIS HEAD.  AT ME. LIKE A MANIAC.

I shifted my eyes in his direction.  He mouths ginormously, "YOUR HOTDOGS ARE READY".

Lovely.  I decided to kind of ignore him. Or, well, ignore him completely.

SINCE WE ARE SITTING IN A THEATER WITH 40 OTHER PEOPLE WATCHING A MOVIE.

You'll not believe this...he starts walking up the stairs.

It might be important to note that we are smack dab in the middle of an aisle in the middle of the theater.

He "pardon me-s" his way down the aisle..."Hey.  Your hot dogs are ready!"

Through gritted teeth I said, "I'll be right there."

So I "excuse me-d" my way back down the aisle and retrieved the hot dogs.

A total of 43 minutes after they were ordered.

They were ok.   I was kind of against them by that point.

The movie was enjoyable.  The last scene was worth the whole movie.

I do have a question.  Since they are the Whos from Whoville, are they the same Whos that were in The Grinch?  And if so, did The Grinch Whos live on a speck?

These type of things keep me up at night. 

Once again, we ended the day with The Gilmores.  Four of them. 

We really like The Gilmores.  We've just about got the entire theme song nailed in 3 part harmony. 

And today is going to be a surprise.  To you and to me.  No idea what we're doing. 

However, I can guess how the day will end...

Blogging & Spring Break Do Not Go Hand In Hand

I'm starting to get my spring break groove on.

The problem is that the spring break groove and the blogging groove are mutually exclusive.

When I am in the proper blogging frame of mind, I am pretty much thinking about me.

When I am in the proper spring break frame of mind, I am thinking about my offspring.

So. Bear with me. I may be off my game a bit.

Beginning spring break groove now.

Yesterday we slept until 9.

While that would have been enough of a score for me, it was not quite enough for The Princess.

Tuesday night, I decided that we were going to have one major event for each remaining day of spring break (major when compared to Monday & Tuesday).

Wednesday's event was pottery painting.

In theory, this sounds fun.

The pottery painting place was fun the last time we went. When The Princess was 6.

Apparently, she has spent the last four years primarily focused on honing her perfectionism and obsessive nature.

This is what I'd accomplished after 30 minutes.

This was The Princess' progress...

That was the point at which I realized we needed an announced time of departure.

I really did love watching her try her very best. She was so careful.

I was slapping it down as fast as artistically possible.

Minus the artistically.

We were having great conversation until the college students arrived.

Sorority girls and one frat boy.

Why do sorority girls have an accent?

"Like, I Lauve to Paaint. I am reaaally gaud at paainting."

And the frat boy had, at one time or another, done everything there is to do on the planet.

Paint pottery?

He'd done that.

Model airplanes?

He'd done that.

Scuba?

Done it.

Hang glide?

Affirmative.

Single handedly fought off a bunch of ninja warriors?

I would guess he's done that, too.

Good grief.

I was about to ask if I was that obnoxious as a college student, but I know QM would give a 500 word dissertation about how one time I ordered a "caaaoooke" to drink.

Whatever.

We finally wrapped up the painting. It will be fired and ready for us next week.

This is what they looked like upon completion.

We ended our day with another Gilmore Girls marathon (4 episodes. And really, has there ever been better dialogue in any TV series?) and a never-ending cycle of these

and these.

Never. Ending.

Which led The King to suggest that I begin a series of 50 sit-ups, 50 push-ups and 50 squats each day.

Hmmmph.

He also said the three little words that every girl wants to hear.

Bathing suit season.

And I said the two little words that he needed to hear.

Bite me.

Sorry. For a minute there I digressed from the spring break frame of mind back to the blogging frame of mind.

Back to spring break...

I think we are going to go see Horton Hears a Who today.

I know one Queen who will not be partaking of the Milk Duds...

Gift Card Winner

The winner of the $15 Amazon gift card is

Julie (3cookieday)

Congratulations!! I will be emailing you.

The Fun Just Keeps On Coming

Oh, the joys of the unplanned spring break.

The Princess and I made a mini road trip to spend the day with The Queen Mother and Nannie.

We had to eat immediately upon arrival.

Because it had been a few hours since breakfast.

And Nannie likes to eat at 11.

We went to a restaurant that I'd never been to before.

It was a gourmet grocery type place. That had sandwiches.

Mine had 2 pieces of bread, a piece of turkey, a piece of cheese and a touch of mayo.

No chips.

No pickle.

It was a nice sandwich.

The Princess managed to nab 4 deviled eggs. (She's good.)

But, being the good southern 4 generations of royalty that we are...nobody would take the 4th egg.

And if you do the math...somebody didn't get an egg.

MmmHmm.

When we finished our sandwiches, I noticed The Queen Mother had a previously overlooked accessory...

Nice.

We did a little shopping. Made a lengthy trip to the bookstore.

And then we needed a snack.

Y'all don't eat ice cream and french fries?

I picked up a new book that sounded helpful. We looked at it while we ate our snack.

I know.

All in all a good day.

Maybe tomorrow we can enjoy some dental work or something.

(Note to QM & Nannie: It was fun. I loved the lunch. I am fine without an egg. I didn't really want an egg. The Princess and I had a wonderful time. It has been the highlight of our delightful spring break. Don't call and harass.)

In completely unrelated news...

From time to time, I've mentioned my Bible Study group. It is such an important part of my life.

My teacher is also an important part of my life. She and her husband taught our very first Newly Married Sunday School class. They taught us so many important things.

Things that have made our marriage strong.

Things that I don't think we would have otherwise known.

The coolest part of that Sunday School class is that 4 of the girls that were new brides 13 years ago still meet at our teacher's home each week to build upon that foundation.

God has gifted her to make His Word completely relevant and practical to women.

She is the closest thing to a Proverbs 31 woman that I can imagine.

(She is also an incredible interior designer. Her home is warm and beautiful.)

(And I bet she could pull of a rockin' spring break.)

She is just a pretty cool chick.

And guess what? She is starting a blog.

When you get a second, drop by and welcome her to the blogging community!

I Am Offering A Most Exciting Spring Break

This is the first Spring Break of The Princess' School Career that we have not traveled.

I've assured her that we can have LOTS OF FUN! right here at home.

So yesterday we went to Target.

The Princess' grandpa had given her a Target gift card for Easter and it had burned a significant hole in her pocket.

In the 15 hours that it was in her pocket.

She also had high hopes of eating lunch at Target.

Nothing says "fun spring break" like an all-beef hot dog from Target.

Which the sign says can be served on a white OR wheat bun. However, when the friendly snack bar cashier is asked about the advertised wheat buns, she snaps "I don't got no wheat buns."

Of course.

After a scrumptious lunch, we proceeded to lap the entire store.

The Princess found this:

She had enough gift card coin to spring for 3 Polly Pocket Studio Apartments (they were on sale...I can't imagine why.)

I found this.

And this.

And this.

And these. But I'm not sure. What do you think?

I only left with the dress. Which demonstrates an enormous amount of self control.

After the great Target adventure, we spent a bit of time cleaning out The Princess' closet.

Which is loads of fun. If your option is poking hot skewers into your eye.

We wrapped up the day with a trip to Cold Stone Creamery and a few episodes of The Gilmore Girls.

Another day's blog will be about The King's fascination with The Gilmore Girls.

And let me say if you are going to be spending any time at the Cold Stone Creamery, head straight for the vanilla with caramel, banana and pecan.

Which tops off the weekend of Easter candy quite nicely.

No Disney, Sea World or National Park can top a day like that.

Today we are road tripping to spend the day with The Queen Mother and Nannie.

That should provide all kinds of blog fodder.

*************************

Overheard at The Palace:

The Princess was reading something about the Globetrotters.

She, in all sincerity, asked, "What is a Globet Rotter?"

Skills I Do Not Possess

I'm one of those people who is not really great at anything.

I'm not having a pity party. I'm not fishing for compliments.

I'm good at a lot of things.

I'm just not great at, like, a thing.

However.

There are a few things at which I am pretty bad.

1. Horseback Riding.

Wow. I am really bad at this.

Case A: Once, The King and I went to Montana on vacation and decided to go on a lovely horseback riding adventure. In the freakin' snow. Up a freakin' mountain. With a brand new freakin' tour guide. The snow turned into a snowSTORM. We got lost. It became dark. My toes lost all feeling.

But that is not what I'm posting about.

The entire lovely horseback riding adventure lasted 4 hours. It was supposed to be a 2 hour lovely horseback riding adventure. For the duration of the lovely horseback riding adventure, I slammed my hiney against the horse.

Like, I couldn't get the rhythm of the equine.

For 4 hours. Slam. Slam. Slam. Slam.

The good news is that it was so freakin' cold I was unaware of my dire condition.

The bad news is that by the time we returned to the condo, the feeling was coming back and I was especially aware of my dire condition.

I pulled off my layers of clothing to find that my bottom and nether regions were solid purple.

The entire region of the nethers. Purple.

South Central Queen B = One Ginormous Bruise

And I'm not talking light bruising. I'm talking the color of smashed blueberries.

There is some speculation that it was a tailbone crushing event, since I was unable to sit for about 6 weeks.

And currently have issues when sitting for great lengths of time.

Stupid horse.

Case B: When I was in college, my dad decided he wanted a horse. He began shopping around for a used horse.

He found one.

It's name was Rebel.

Now. I'm obviously not an experienced horsewoman, but it strikes me that if the horse being SOLD for CHEAP has a name like REBEL...some caution ought to be taken.

But that's just me.

So I came home one weekend and my dad wanted me to ride Rebel. He sat me on the horse and he went into the barn.

While my dad was in the barn, Rebel took off at breakneck speed and ran right toward a tree. He dodged the trunk at the last minute, and ran me into the branches.

My face was all scratched up.

Dad came out from the barn and said, "What did you do to Rebel?"

Pardon?

Case C: Are you nuts? There is no Case C.

2. Sunscreen Application.

I am extremely bad at this. The thing is, I work at it really hard.

My poor Princess is a likely candidate for sun damage related conditions in various spots on her body because her mama missed them.

Once I missed a thumb sized patch on the side of her nose.

I missed an entire shoulder in the blazing hot Florida sun.

I've missed spots all over that poor child. And I try. Oh, how I try.

I've missed an entire quadrant of The King's back before.

He's had glaringly white handprints on his chest.

I know that it is bad...dangerous...reckless.

For the first time ever, I bought some self-tanning lotion last week.

The King is wondering why I think I'll have more success with the tanning lotion than I do with the sunscreen.

He's got a point.

3. The Estimation of Distances.

I'm not sure why it is necessary to be able to say, "Oh, it is about 47 1/2 feet thataway."

"Will an 8 foot couch fit in that spot?"

47 1/2.
8.
207,014.

It is all the same to me.

However, if you were to say, "it is about the distance from The Gap to Bath & Body Works" or "It is about the length of the Target women's clothing section", I SO get that.

4. Coffee Making.

Don't drink it--can't make it. If you want it--make it yourself.

5. Ironing.

Um. I never really learned how to do this.

Blame the Queen Mother.

I end up with wrinkles in places that didn't start with wrinkles.

And why should I know how to iron when I've got The King to do it for me?

6. Hair Contraptions.

Any.

All.

I cannot use hair paraphernalia.

The list includes, but is not limited to: barrettes, headbands, ponytail holders, scrunchies, curling irons, flat irons, hot rollers, crimping machines, sponge rollers and braiding things.

I blame this on the fact that my longest hairstyle was the Dorothy Hamill. In the 2nd grade.

This limits me in what I am able to do for The Princess.

Bless her heart.

She'll never have a beautiful french braid like all the other cheerleaders, either.

I mean...she will look perfect with her stylish little bob.

There are many other things that I am physically, mentally or emotionally unable to do...sports come to mind...but I'll save those for another day.

By the way, I just asked The King to name some things that I can't do.

Without hesitation he pops off, "water skiing".

And that is a bunch of baloney.

I can water ski.

I'm not Mr. Hot Shot Slalom like someone I know, but I can get up on a pair of water skis.

He is so wrong.

Water skiing will not be on my list.

Thank you very much.

Weekend Wonderfulness

If you came here looking for something to cook for Easter dinner...

...you've got bigger problems than me not posting a recipe.

Go to Plan B.

Now.

And really, there is nothing more wonderful than Christ's love for us.

Have a blessed Easter weekend.