The Queen B

The Palace: Cotton Bowl Edition Part 2

We survived American Girl.

However, our day began with more boiling water and surviving that was, for a while, in question. I attempted to wash my hair in the sink thinking that perhaps sink boiling water is not as hot as shower boiling water. It is just as hot. I had to leave the majority of the shampoo in my hair because it burned my hands and scalp to try and rinse. Needless to say, today is not my best hair day. I’m a bit greasy and flat.

Our toilet had boiling water, too. When I raised the lid this morning steam was coming out. Literally. At the risk of giving too much information, I was barely able to sit on the pot. Having steam rise into your nether regions is not pleasant.

The repairman fixed the hot water issue about 2 pm, but his “fix” was to turn off the cold water valve. So, how was that different? About 4 pm, both hot and cold water were functioning. And the nice manager who now knows The King on a first name basis has taken last night’s charge off of our bill.

Back to American Girl. (Whose products ironically say "made in China".

The Princess first dropped her doll, Nicki off at the hair salon and requested the Ponytail Veil style. We left Nicki in the able hands of the doll stylists and began looking around.

The King had pretty much no clue what the American Girl thing was about. He’d somehow missed the entire premise.

Once he became educated in all things AG, he was kind of into it. He really became fond of the Historical Dolls. Especially Addy. He was really pushing Addy. He will eventually learn that when you push something on your offspring, they go in the opposite direction. Which she did.

She went straight to Julie, the doll of 1974. I was all about Julie, because I feel like she and I share a bond. The bond of growing up in the 70s. Me and Julie. Since the Queen Mother is along for the trip, The Princess increased her initial budget somewhat and was able to purchase my homegirl, Julie.

After she purchased Julie, The Princess felt that it would be unfair to Julie if she was not able to have freshly coiffed hair for the New Year. Who can argue with that? We dropped Julie off at the salon and came back to hotel for a brief respite. And a brownie.

We were told to be back at 3:15 to watch Julie cost us even more...I mean, get her hair done. We arrived at 3:10 to find her hair styling had been completed. Instant tears. For the love of his Princess, The King sought after the manager and encouraged her to remember who her customers are and stressed the importance of sticking to the promised schedule when dealing with small girls and their once-in-a-lifetime visit to American Girl. While he was encouraging, a sweet doll stylist came over to me and offered to do Julie’s hair again so that The Princess could watch. Plus, she felt as if Julie’s hair could stand to have a little more work done. I told her it was not necessary, but she said that yes, yes it was. So she is my new best friend.

I was very impressed that AG, or maybe just this sweet stylist, saw the importance of that event to my daughter. So, I’m still a fan and would encourage anyone with a little girl to visit.

While there, we had reservations for lunch at the Bistro. I was thinking that it would be gross, but it was really kinda tasty. Or maybe all that doll drama made me hungry. The menu consisted of choosing an appetizer, entree and side from a list of options. Obviously, AG gets that little girls dig making their own decisions. And come on...isn't this food cute?

The napkins were held with star cookie cutter napkin rings that each had a word written on them. The cookie cutters were ours to take home. (I love gifts.)

The waitress told us to each say a sentence with our word and go around the table and turn the sentences into a story while we waited on our food. Our words were: Friends, Loyal, True and Honest. This is how our story went down:

Queen Mother: Heidi is very loyal. (Heidi is our neurotic dog whom I have yet to blog about. It is gonna be big and I have to gear up for that one.)

King: Heidi has lots of friends.

Queen B: You are not telling a story that is true.

Princess: Some people at this table are not honest.

I’m not really sure that is what the AG marketing department had in mind.

We were going to finish our meal with the Fondue Platter which the menu said was great for sharing.

Obviously, they’ve never seen us eat.

The day spent at American Girl was great. So many times it seems I leave disappointed in events that are "designed" for children. They seem to be such a money-making racket and do nothing to enrich or enhance our kids. American Girl was the opposite. I left really pleased that a company has made such quality products with the intention of teaching and empowering young girls. (Though it does seem to make a lot of money!)

The King is so good to have carried the HUMONGOUS bag. (Note the armored car in the background. I don’t think they realize what dangerous territory they are in considering what the merchandise inside costs.)

We may just have to get The King an Addy doll. His man-camp buddies would love that.

Now we are in our hotel room with appropriately heated water. We are spending our rockin' New Year's Eve watching Shrek 2 and probably going to bed by 10:30. We must get lots of rest to prepare for beating Missouri tomorrow.

I hope that each of you has a safe and happy holiday and that you are surrounded by those you love.

I certainly am.

Labels: mindless rambling

The Palace: Cotton Bowl Edition

I feel that I need to get a few random observations and issues out of my head so that I am able to continue with my long weekend in Dallas in peace.

1. The HOV lane actually stands for "hostage on vacation". My dear, sweet King accidentally managed our vehicle into the carpooling lane. On which no one else in the entire state of Texas was driving. He felt that he was driving on his own personal autobahn...no speed limit whatsoever. We were stuck on this maddening path for miles and miles. The barriers that were so-close-to-us kept us from getting off. I was truly fearful we might end up in Houston...though we would have arrived in record time. The HOV lane finally spit us out right at our hotel. Divine intervention.

2. Our newly remodeled hotel is very nice. Its rooms are sleek and modern and my chi is good. If I have any chi. My chi was not so great when I discovered that sleek and modern means no bathtub, just showers. Do minimalists not take bubble baths? Why do they have good chi if they can't submerge in bubbles?

3. Though I whine about the shower, its dual head wonderfulness felt pretty great. Until last night. When only one temperature of water would come out...boiling. And we discovered this when The Princess screamed bloody murder. (Great parenting, don't you think?) A repair man had to come up to our room to tell us that the lines have been switched today and we only have boiling water in our shower and sink. So, we had to go to the Queen Mother’s room to shower. Three floors up. After my shower, I was seen by strangers in a robe and wet hair on an elevator. The King is hoping that we’ll get a free night out of the deal.

4. Our hotel toilet has the most powerful flush that I've ever seen. I jump every time it flushes.

5. I've never seen anything quite like the mob of men sitting outside of Anthropologie yesterday. There were, like 47 of them lined up on a bench just outside the store. Dudes, they've got really comfy couches inside...just ask The King.

6. We, as a familial group, have a difficult time choosing where to eat a meal. Yet we're quite good at saying "no" to the suggestions of others. I'm just sayin'.

7. Under Armour is not my friend. Anticipating very cold temperatures (what? In Dallas?) we had to make a run to the Sporting Goods Megaplex to load up on cold weather gear. The King, who has an athletic build, suggested that UA is just what I'd need. Uh-huh. So, I tried it on. I did. If you'll recall, I hinted at my dislike of neck-touching-things. Let's add to that disorder a dislike of skin-tight, close-fitting, body-hugging things. But I also have a dislike of cold. So I thought I could handle it. Until I put on the pants. I think it is safe to say that spandex pants are not my most flattering look.

8. The King has a good heart. Yesterday morning he noticed an older gentleman on the side of the Tollway struggling to change a flat. So he drives 2 miles to the next exit, takes the exit and gets back on the Tollway going in the opposite direction, gets off 2 miles the other way past the man's car, takes the exit and gets back on the Tollway and goes back to help the sweet man. I got some really funny pictures of the whole thing, but the camera is in the car and The King, good heart and all, refuses to go get it. Pictures of Bernie Mac, The-Complementary-Fix-It-Man-Provided-by-the-Great-State-of-Texas and his Deputy could have provided days of blog fodder. Let's just say they didn't really mind The King doing most of the work. Also, “plumber butt” could now be referred to as “highway butt”. Truly, I was really proud of The King. We need all the help-with-a-flat-mojo we can get, because if I ever have one...I have NO idea what to do besides cry.

9. Today, we are off to The American Girl Boutique & Bistro. It just sounds expensive, doesn't it? The King would prefer that none of his man-camp friends know that he is forgoing the Razorback Pep Rally and Parade for lunch reservations at a doll store.

10. Note to Parents: Be careful when giving a time-specific deadline for something you have no intention of doing. When you say, "we'll do it over the Christmas Break", that time will actually come. When The Princess began asking to do her own blog the afternoon that I posted my first blog entry, I said something to that effect. Because it was in October and Christmas Break seemed really far away. And I thought she might forget. Yeah, right. So, The Princess now has her own blog. Accompanied by lots of rules.

• if she drives me crazy over it--she's done
• if she posts without showing it to me first--she's done
• if she cries once or argues with me about it--she's done
• if she gets a freaky or scary comment--she's done
• if she shows any of the signs of blog obsession--she's done.

(If only someone would have given me rules.) So, you might dash over and tell her hi. She’s 10 and everyday is an emotional roller coaster and it would put her in a good mood and that benefits us all (or, well, me.) And I'll never ask you to do it again. Plus, each of us needs to do our part in bringing up the next generation of bloggers.

11. I love spending time with my family. Sometimes just getting away from the laundry, phone, dust and errands is such a blessing. But we’re not able to leave behind the computer. Never the computer or the Crackberry. Baby steps.

12. When the repairman came to "fix" the shower, he left the door open and I almost whispered to The King, "make sure the cats don't get out". I needed to get away. (Which causes me to immediately panic over what Oliver is currently involved in.)

13. I feel certain this will come up again, but The King really digs his Christmas present. He has played it A LOT. It has been really great for waiting on us while we’re shopping. He has not complained once. Though, every once in a while he screams, “They’ve gained 7 points on me!” or “Why did I listen to Madden’s advice?”

14. I’ll try to never post this long about boring stuff ever again. I have no intention of sticking to it, but at least I am acknowledging that it is too much.

15. The weatherman just said the temperature at kick-off Tuesday will be 32 and breezy. Maybe I’ll wear that nasty spandex after all.

Have a great last day of 2007.

Labels: mindless rambling

High Cotton

Tomorrow morning we are off to Dallas to cheer on the Razorbacks in the Cotton Bowl. I've taken down the Christmas decorations. I've thought about packing. I've some concerns that Oliver might destroy the house in our absence. This morning, The King was working at his desk when he noticed Oliver was perched on the very back of a chair. He felt as if Oliver looked back at him as if to say, "Watch this". And then Oliver soared to the mantle. Above the fireplace. The mantle. The King then dove for the floor to catch the beautiful decorative plate that was plummeting toward the cold hard floor. Which he caught. (Props to The King. He did mention something about knowing that the cost of replacing the beautiful decorative plate and its companion would probably lead to a new clock and who-knows-what-else and he figured the broken bones he might suffer would pale in comparison to the cost of one broken plate at The Palace. Whatever.) I came into the kitchen yesterday morning to find that Oliver was squeezed on top of the microwave which is encased in the top cabinets in my kitchen. Apparently Oliver has just discovered that he can jump. That just does not bode well for The Palace. So, while we are rooting for the Hogs and welcoming the New Year, I will pretty much constantly be uneasy about the destruction and ruin concurrently taking place at The Palace. Your thoughts and prayers would be appreciated.

Labels: holidays and celebrations, pets

Swap 'Til You Drop

Due to the tattered condition of my unmentionables, I made a request to the Queen Mother for a small number of brand spanking new ones.

She obliged. It is much appreciated by all residents of The Palace.

She ordered an assortment from Victoria's Secret, and excluding one peculiar plaid collection, did very well.

Victoria, on the other hand, experienced a little glitch.

She was offering a pair of slippers with every order or something, but had run out of the slippers. So she substituted with pajamas. Which is very nice. She did not have to do that.

I think Victoria thought it might be an effective way to rid herself of some of her merchandise that was, um, a little bit out of date.

By a few decades.

When neon bows and buttons have been worn as an 8th grader, it is not recommended that they be worn again. 20 years later.

A second set of surrogate pajamas was sent to replace an item that they no longer had in stock. Generally, I would think Victoria would want you to pick your own alternate item. At least this pair was a little less dated. However. I have only been wearing pink for a few years. I banned it from my person at a very young age. I have not yet welcomed bows. So, this pajama top leaves me feeling pretty resistant.

And though I feel I have shared much with you all, I have yet to disclose my hostility toward anything touching my neck. This top will not do. I would have a breakdown after 37 seconds. I feel terribly uncomfortable whining about free pajamas. But I must.

(I think the Queen Mother would have been wise to blame the plaid bra on a similar replacement situation that fell beyond her control.)

Labels: hair and fashion

30 Years in the Making

Big news.

Big.

Since I was 4 years old, I have wanted this for Christmas.

30 years of waiting.

This year, I finally got it.

Apparently, if you blog about some way in which you were neglected as a child, your mother feels guilty and tries to right her wrong.

Apparently.

Thanks, mom. The Princess appreciates the delay.

Labels: holidays and celebrations

The Reason

For unto us a Child is born,

Unto us a Son is given;

And the government will be upon His shoulder.

And His name will be called

Wonderful, Counselor,

Mighty God, Everlasting Father,

Prince of Peace.

Of the increase of His government and peace

There will be no end,

Upon the throne of David and over His kingdom,

To order it and establish it with judgment and justice

From that time forward, even forever.

The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this.

Isaiah 9:6-7
New King James Version

May God bless each of you throughout this joyous season!

Merry Christmas!!

Labels: holidays and celebrations, keeping it real

Merry Christmas

Sometimes there are no words.

Labels: holidays and celebrations

Weekend Wonderfulness

There are a few phrases that you will never hear spew from my mouth. One of which is, "This food is too sweet".

Food can never be too sweet. Never.

With that in mind, this is what we'll be eating Christmas morning.

Caramel French Toast Bake

(Make this the night before!!)

1 c. brown sugar

1/2 c. butter

2 T. corn syrup

12 slices bread

6 eggs, beaten

1 1/4 c. milk

1 t. vanilla

1/4 t. salt

Combine sugar, butter and syrup in a saucepan. Cook over medium heat until it thickens. Stir pretty much the whole time. Pour this sweet yumminess in a 9x13. Place half of your bread slices in the dish. Layer the other half on top of those. Blend the last 4 ingredients together and pour evenly over the bread. Cover and chill for 8 hours. Uncover and bake at 350 for 40-45 minutes. If you use a thinner bread, you might need to take it out a little earlier.

Serve immediately! I like it with bananas or strawberries on the side.

We'll be having this, too.

Sweet & Spicy Bacon

1 pound bacon

1 c. brown sugar

1 T. black pepper

Preheat oven to 425. Line a cookie sheet with foil (very important!!) Cut bacon slices in half. Mix the pepper and sugar in a bowl. Coat each slice of bacon with mixture. Twist the bacon and place it on the foil. Bake for 20-25 minutes. Cool on the foil (very important!!)

This is a mess to make, but totally worth it.

It is the only way I can fathom eating bacon due to an unfortunate combination of a bacon and egg breakfast and altitude sickness.

Enjoy!!

Labels: cooking

Nothing Says It's Christmas Break Like Getting Teeth Ripped From Your Head

Being the great mom that I am, I scheduled The Princess a little teeth extraction for the first day of Christmas break.

Back in October, we were informed of the possibility of orthodontia. We made the appointment and the orthodontist said he hardly ever puts braces on 10-year-olds. Except for when they have a problem that will get worse if they wait.

Surprise, surprise...

The Princess has a gargantuan permanent back tooth that is stuck up in her head. It is the size of 3 of her baby teeth. If we don't make room for it, some horrible thing that I don't remember might happen. So, we have to pull 2 baby teeth and get the braces on pronto.

Oh, and spend $6000.

Now, follow my logic: if we pull them on the first day of her break, she won't have to dread it the rest of the break. It will be behind her. Right?

You might recall from her last appointment, she really didn't like the "squirt" (the one with the needle). We prayed about it. We talked to anyone who might listen at the dentist's office about it. You know what? The squirt was no big deal. She sailed right through it.

However.

Pulling 2 teeth that ARE NOT LOOSE from the head of a child is pretty close to torture. Forget that waterboarding stuff...pull the bad guys' teeth.

Bless her little heart, she was shaking in the chair sobbing. Sobbing. I had to sit on my hands so that I wouldn't rip the torture device from the dentist's hand.

Let me just show you the immovable beasts that were trapped in my sweet child's noggin...

Look at these babies!! I mean that literally. They are baby teeth!!

You can thank me later for the grayscale. I am sparing you from gore that might otherwise ruin your day.

She bled for 2 hours. She was not able to eat. She has holes the size of dimes in her mouth.

The only thing that she thought might possibly make her feel better was a manicure. (Actually a manicure/pedicure, but I had to draw the line.)

The Princess would like for you all to see the results.

What do you think the cure-all for her braces will be?

Tune in on January 21, 2008...

Labels: the princess

But For Now We'll Go On Living Separate Lives

It was asking too much.

After a round of hissing, a few left jabs and one serious right hook--this is where they've settled.

It was really just asking too much.

...And in other breaking cat news: At 3:27 a.m. as I slept on my side toward the edge of the bed with my face toward the wall, I was startled awake by 12 pounds of Oliver as he jumped up onto the bed and landed 100% on my head. You must understand that jumping up when you are 12 pounds and 8 months old is not easy. I am just singing hallelujah that he has no front claws or I would look like one of those slasher movie people. It was the scariest thing I've been through in a while. Now back to your regularly scheduled blog...

All of you fun internet friends gave me so much to think about in your analysis of what might have transpired yesterday with the cats.

Do they do this when we leave?

Do they know it is Christmas?

Were they plotting against us? The dogs?

Stay tuned. I am afraid this is far from over.

Labels: pets